The Solution State of Mind
As you begin to grow in this awareness of the Emergence principles and how life really operates, you start to discover that what you do in and of itself is not going to determine the outcomes you get.
Ultimately, as the old metaphysical axiom says, to he or she who is right in mind they can do all the wrong things, and it will often still turn out right, but to he or she who is wrong in mind they can do all the right things, and it will still turn out wrong. We see that even as Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem at the level of thinking that created it.”
We understand in metaphysics and quantum physics, that the frequency or the vibration that you’re at is what actually determines the outcome. The good that you want, the answer, the solution, the opportunity, the abundance, etc. it’s already here. Much like you are inundated with radio broadcasts right now, and in the midst of those broadcast somewhere your favorite music is playing, but it’s not yet a manifest part of your experience. When you tune the dial of your frequency so that that receiver or frequency matches the frequency where that music is playing, that station becomes manifest. You have what I like to say a manifest-station. The music was already happening, but you had to make it welcome. You had to dial into that same frequency. The distance between you and your music is a distance in frequency.
The same is true for your solutions. For whatever challenge you face, the solution is a reality that already exists, but it exists at a higher or different frequency than the frequency of the problem.
Problem, when you understand it means emblem – it’s a symbol. A problem or challenge is a symbol of a state of consciousness, a particular frequency, and you can never solve a problem, any more than you can solve a frequency.
If you’re turned into station K-LACK, and it’s playing the blues all day, or it’s gossiping and complaining and talking about all this negative stuff in the world, making you feel horrible, that’s a problem. You can’t solve that problem at that frequency. You can’t solve that frequency. That’s what’s playing on that station. So, how do you solve it? You have to tune up the dial to station K-RICH, to a higher frequency.
When you tune out of K-LACK into K-RICH, the problems you are experiencing on K-LACK they’re no longer there! That particular music becomes unmanifest. It goes back into the invisible, inaudible state that it was to begin with, and the music that you really want to hear, that beat of abundance, that symphony of success, now becomes manifest. It becomes a part of your experience.
So a problem cannot be solved. It exists. It’s a frequency. Just like ice cannot be solved at the level of temperature where ice exists; 32 degrees Fahrenheit or below, you have ice. No matter what you do to get rid of that problem, you’ll still have the problem if you’re still living at 32 degrees. You can pour hot water on it, but what’s going to happen? It’s going to become more ice. You can chip it away. What’s going to happen? Condensation will produce more ice.
That’s why so many of our attempts to solve problems individually, or in a community, in the government, a corporation or a culture, etc., don’t often work, because we are still at the same frequency, and just moving things around at that level.
We’re reorganizing the people, places, and conditions, but it’s still coming from that level of thinking, from that perception of lack, limitation, fear, or separation. We may try to cover over all of that by controlling or manipulating more, by adding more on top of it, or by having stricter rules… All of that is this substructure of coping, survival, and defense mechanisms we put on top off this vibration or frequency that’s creating the problem. What we find is that the same problem breaks out in new ways.
So how do you deal with it then? You must rise above that temperature. When you rise above 32 degrees, what happens to the ice? You don’t solve the ice – the ice dissolves.
When you tune to a higher frequency on the station you don’t solve the problem or change the station of K-LACK. That’s still broadcasting, but it dissolves out of your experience, and what manifests is that higher frequency you’re now tuned into. That’s also why Einstein said, “Arrows of hate have been shot in my direction many times, but they no longer can touch me or hurt me, because they come from a world I no longer inhabit.”Problems aren't solved; they dissolve as you evolve. Click To Tweet
At the vibration of love, hatred doesn’t exist. It’s not that love solves hatred. It’s that hatred is an expression. You can’t solve hatred at the level of hatred, which is why two wrongs don’t make a right. It’s also why you can’t fight fire with fire (except in the forest, which actually in that case fire works.) The key is that that’s why so many of our attempts to go to war and try to crush terrorism doesn’t work, because we’re still operating, in many cases, at the same level of the problem. What you resist persists, what you fight you fuel.
So, to move into the solution state of mind, you must understand that all solutions exist outside of the frequency or circle of the problem, and you want to, as quickly and easily as possible, move yourself into the frequency of the solution. You want to bring yourself back into a congruent, receptive solution state of mind. That’s where the answers are, where evolution, real healing and growth happens.
To support you in mastering this, listen to the in-depth podcast on the subject, where we break it down and put it into real-life practice TODAY. This will be a real game-changer.
To Your Emergence!
[The following is the full transcript of this episode of the Emergence, A Revolutionary Path for Radical Life Change, with Derek Rydall Podcast]
Welcome to Emergence, this is Derek Rydall, your guide on the side instead of the sage on the stage, author of the bestselling book Emergence, and founder of the process the Law of Emergence. It’s just so great to have you here, as we take another deep dive on this journey of engineering the full emergence of our life, our potential, and our deeper purpose. Today we’re talking about the solution state of mind, and this is really a powerful thing to understand, because, as you begin to grow in this awareness of these principles and how life really operates, we start to discover that what we do, although it’s very important to take action, it’s an extension of consciousness, it’s a dimension of consciousness, that was we do in and of itself is not going to determine the outcomes we get. Ultimately, as the old metaphysical axiom says, to he or she who is right in mind they can do all the wrong things, and it will often still turn out right, but to he or she who is wrong in mind they can do all the right things, and it will still turn out wrong. We see that even as Einstein said, You cannot solve a problem at the level of thinking that created it.
We understand in metaphysics, quantum physics, that the frequency or the vibration that you’re at, that’s actually what’s determining the outcome. I’ve used the analogy often that it’s already happening. The good that you want, the answer, the solution, the opportunity, the abundance, etc. it’s already here. Much like you are inundated with radio broadcasts right now, and in the midst of those broadcast somewhere your favorite music is playing, but it’s not yet a manifest part of your experience. When you tune the dial of your frequency so that that receiver or frequency matches the frequency where that music is playing, that station becomes manifest. You have what I like to say a manifest station. Now, where was the music before you tuned into it? It wasn’t in the distance. You didn’t have to take your radio and run down the street and catch it. It wasn’t in the future. You didn’t have to sit there and wait for it to show up, and when you tuned into that station you didn’t have to make the music happen. The music was already happening, but you had to make it welcome. You had to dial into that same frequency. The distance between you and your music is a distance in frequency.
The same is true for your solutions. For whatever challenge you face, the solution is a reality that already exists, but it exists, hear this, at a higher or different frequency than the frequency of the problem. Problem, when you understand it means emblem, it’s a symbol. A problem, a challenge, is a symbol of a state of consciousness, a particular frequency, and you can never solve a problem, any more than you can solve a frequency. Right? I mean, that’s just a frequency. If you’re turned into station K-LACK, and it’s playing the blues all day, and it’s gossiping and complaining and talking about all this negative stuff in the world, and it’s making you feel horrible, that’s a problem. You can’t solve that problem at that frequency. You can’t solve that frequency. That’s what’s playing on that station. So how do you solve it? You have to tune up the dial to station K-RICH, to a higher frequency. When you tune out of K-LACK into K-RICH the problems you are experiencing on K-LACK they’re no longer there, right? That particular music becomes unmanifest. It goes back into the invisible, inaudible state that it was to begin with, and the music that you really want to hear, that beat of abundance, that symphony of success, now that you’re tuned into that, it becomes manifest. It becomes a part of your experience.
So a problem cannot be solved. It exists. It’s a frequency. Just like ice cannot be solved at the level of temperature where ice exists. 32 degrees Fahrenheit or below, you have ice. No matter what you do to get rid of that problem, you’ll still have the problem if you’re still living at 32 degrees. You can pour hotwater on it. What’s going to happen? It’s going to become more ice. You can chip it away. What’s going to happen? Condensation will produce more ice. So no matter what you do you’ve always got the problem, the proclivity of the problem, the propensity of the problem, the worry, doubt, and fear of the problem, because you’re living at the level of the problem, at the frequency. As Einstein said, at the level of thinking that created it.That’s why so many of our attempts to solve problems individually, in a community, and in the world, in the government, etc., in a corporation or a culture, the reason why they don’t work often is we are still at the same frequency, at the same level, but we’re just moving things around. We’re reorganizing the people, places, and conditions, but it’s still coming from that level of thinking, from that perception of lack, limitation, fear, separation, whatever, and now we’re going to try to cover over all of that by controlling more, by manipulating more, by adding more on top of it, by having stricter rules. All of that is this substructure of coping, survival, and defense mechanisms we put on top off this vibration or frequency that’s creating the problem. What we find is that the same problem breaks out in new ways. It’s another reason why for the common prisoner the recidivism rate is so high. The problem itself hasn’t been solved, because it never can be.
So how do you deal with it then? You must rise above that temperature. When you rise above 32 degrees, what happens to the ice? You don’t solve the ice. The ice dissolves. When you tune to a higher frequency on the station you don’t solve the problem and actually change the station of K-LACK. That’s still broadcasting, but it dissolves out of your experience, and what manifests is that higher frequency you’re now tuned into. That’s also why Einstein said, Arrows of hate have been shot in my direction many times, but they no longer can touch me or hurt me, because they come from a world I no longer inhabit.At a frequency there are manifestations, condensations, coagulations, formations, and they exit at that frequency. At 32 degrees and below you have ice. At other degrees you have steam. You have gases. You have solids. You have different expressions at different levels. Right? That’s just the way it is. So you cannot solve it. The problems don’t get solved, they dissolve as you evolve. So the only way to solveour problems is to actually take our attention off the problem long enough to rise in conscious, vibration, or frequency to rise outside of the circumstance or the circle of the problem, and as we evolve the problems dissolve. They literally cannot exist at that new higher or different frequency. They cannot exist there. That’s not where they live. Ice doesn’t live at 50 degrees. It lives at 32 degrees and below. So if you start living at 50 degrees, you’re not going to have ice. You’re not going to have the problem of ice.
At the vibration of love, hatred doesn’t exist there. It’s not that love solves hatred. It’s that hatred is an expression. Now, I could go down the rabbit hole and explain to you that really hatred is actually on the spectrum of love, but let’s not go there right now. Rather to understand that hatred is an expression or manifestation or formation of a certain vibration or frequency. You can’t solve hatred at the level of hatred, which is why two wrongs don’t make a right. Which is why you can’t fight fire with fire, except in the forest, which actually in that case fire works, but, again, that’s a different physics issue. The key is that that’s why so many of our attempts to go to war and try to crush terrorism doesn’t work, because the actual problem, we’re still operating in many cases at that same level. We’re still killing and fighting and hating and having a justified reason for killing, fighting, and hating. There is no justification. Justifying it doesn’t change the frequency. In many cases it keeps you stuck at the lower frequency.
It’s also why when we’re trying to solve our own problems, our own challenges, but we’re stuck at the level of the problem, we are struggling to figure it out, to make it better, to improve it, to fix it, and we find that either it gets worse, which is often the case, or we solve what appears to be this problem of lack in one area, and it breaks out in another area. We finally solve our problem of lack, and we get a job, and then our plumbing goes wrong, and we have to use all that money we just made to pay for the plumbing. We finally solve our problem of not having enough and get a check for $500, and then our car breaks down, and it costs us $500. How many of you have experienced that? It’s because you’re just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. You’ve manipulated conditions. You’ve manipulated mentally, emotionally, and physically, but fundamentally you’re still living at the same level of consciousness, the same core pattern of your heart or mindset, which is then producing another version of that same frequency. Now it’s just showing up in your bank account, and then next month it shows up in your body, and next month is shows up at your business, and the next month it shows up in your relationship. You’re just rearranging, moving it from one place to the next, but the problem persists. Ultimately it tends to magnify and get worse. So how do you solve a problem? You have to rise above it. you have to get outside of it. I often use the analogy of a racecar driver. A racecar driver, they learn that when you’re spinning out of control towards a wall, which is the problem, if you focus on the problem, aka the wall, you’re going to hit it. It seems very counterintuitive. You feel like, I’ve got to look at that wall to make sure I don’t hit it, but if you do, you will, because the hands follow the eyes, and you turn right into it. So instead you’re trained to look away from the wall and to look towards the road, look towards the finish line, look towards the next turn. Look to where you want to go, not what you are spiraling out of control towards. Look to the solution, the opportunity, the vision, not towards the problem. Sometimes when you’re learning this the trainer that’s training you how to drive has to literally grab your head and force you to look, because everything in your instincts has been conditioned to focus on the problem, to focus on the wall. It feels utterly unnatural to not look at that wall, because otherwise you’re going to crash. Of course, again, the irony is if you do, you are going to crash.
So you look away, and as you look away your hands follow your eyes, and you start to turn out of the spin and pull out of the spin. Interestingly, even when you do that, depending on the momentum you’ve got in that spin, you’re still sliding towards the wall. You have to be aware of that, because you’re turning, you’re focusing on the solution, on the road, but you’re still sliding towards the problem, and there’s a great temptation. It’s a very precarious moment where you might go, it’s not working, it’s not working, and then you look back to the wall, and you get to observe as you crash into it. It takes a degree of courage, degree of trust, and ultimately discipline to become solution focused, not problemfocused, to be a vision holder, not a problem solver.
That doesn’t mean you aren’t aware of the challenge and the problem. It doesn’t mean you’re not aware that there’s a wall there. You are aware of it, but your focus, your attention is on the road, on the solution. So this moves us into a solution state of mind is where the solutions exist. I know that sounds obvious, but it’s not obviously seen or understood when we’re in the moment. Again, it seems counterintuitive to not focus on the problem. It seems from our defensive nature that if we take our eye off the problem it’s going to get us. It’s going to sneak attack us. It’s going to take advantage of us. That’s an old artifact of our evolution where we were trained to see the problems very quickly in any new environment. The rustling of the branches means there could be a sabretooth cat there, or particular elements left behind could show that there was an enemy encampment before, etc. So we’ve been trained and conditioned as a matter of survival, but what helped us survive as a human experiment is now the very mechanism that puts us on the brink of extinction. If not total human extinction, it stagnates us and keeps us stuck at the level we are in our own individual lives, our own individual businesses. So to move into the solution state of mind we have to understand that all solutions exist outside of the frequency or energy or circle of the problem, and that we want to as quickly and easily as possible move ourselves into the frequency of the solution. Again, I’m going to say that. What we want to do when we encounter a problem is instead of reacting to it and resisting it, what you resist persists, what you fight you fuel. If you fall into quicksand and you fight it, it pulls you down, and you die. If you are in a problem, and you wrestle it, fight it, resist it, it pulls you down. It anchors you to that energy of the problem and makes it more easy to get stuck there, and then most, if not all, of the things you try to do to solve it, first off all, we’ll most likely not solve it, but if it seems to temporarily create a solution it’s almost always a stopgap solution. The problem almost always returns, and in many cases it returns with even more velocity and more ferocity, because all of that resistance. Think of it like holding a beach ball underwater. You’re using all this energy now to hold the problem down and create this solution on top of it, and the minute you relax, that ball flies up and hits you in the face. You’ve all had that experience.
This is not a game of Whack-a-Mole. You just keep hitting the mole, and another one pops up, another one pops up. That’s not how to really solve problems. As Gandhi said, We must be or become the change we want to see in the world, and that includes our own individual world. So when you’re in a problem, you want to as soon as possible shift your awareness and attention to asking the question, not how do I solve the problem, but what is the change I want to see in the world? What’s the change I want to see in my world? Let’s say suddenly you get a bill, and it’s this huge bill, and you can’t afford it, or something like that. You get worried, or you get frustrated. You get angry. Then you try to make calls and complain. This isn’t right. There’s a mistake, or frantically try to scrounge up new opportunities or clients or whatever the case may be. You’re operating at the level of the problem, and energetically and vibrationally you’re tuning and staying tuned in, and even creating a preset on the dial of station K-LACK. Instead you want to go take a breath, and ask, what is the change I want to see in my life? You might immediately go, I want to see this bill paid, and that’s okay. That’s a start. Then go another step further. What is the change I would want to see and need to see in my life in order to pay the bill? Then you sense into that. What you hear is, I have more money. You keep asking, how much more money? If somebody gave you a dollar, that would be more money. How much more? Let’s say the bill is $500. I have at least an extra $1,000. You just sit with that, and you go, is that all the change I really want? What other real change is this challenge inviting me to open up to? As you breathe and sink into it, you kind of hear or feel, I really want to have a level of financial freedom. I don’t want to have to worry about money anymore. Notice that little subtle shift. I don’t want to have to worry about money. You’ve just turned your head back towards the wall again about what you don’t want. That’s the problem. So you go, but what do I want? I want to have enough that I can joyfully express my life, I can have more time with my family, or I can have more time to do creative stuff. Now you’re getting back to the solution. You’re turning back towards the road, towards the finish line.
I want to have enough money that I can spend time doing the things I really want, being with the people I really want, being the person I want to be. As you keep unpacking that, you ask specifying questions. If I got to be the person I wanted to be, who would that person be? As you sense into that, you hear, I’d want to be a person of peace. I’d want to have more joy. I want to be more playful, creative, spontaneous. Brilliant. Write that down. You go, who are the people you’d want to spend more time with? I want to spend more time with my kids, with my husband, with my friends. What would that look like? I would go on that vacation, or we would have a date night. You start to describe and articulate that. What else? I’d want to be doing more of the things that I really want to do with my heart and my art. What specifically? I really want to write that book, or paint that painting, or put on that art show, or start that business. Great. Write it all down.
Now stop for a minute and notice, what have you just discovered? This problem called this unexpected bill was really carrying a message. Your problems are your prophets. They’re bringing you a prophecy, a message of the vision that’s trying to unfold. So this problem is really trying to open you up to discover there’s a larger life that you’re being called to live, that you’re aching to live, that’s seeking to emerge, but all your coping mechanisms have kept you playing small. So now this problem shows up to crack you back open and say, there’s a bigger vision here. There’s a bigger possibility. Your heart has a deeper desire. You’re meant for more. You’re capable of more.
Now you articulate that vision, and even notice as you start to move your energy and think about the bigger vision and dwell on it and imagine it, how do you feel? When the bill came in you constricted. Your heart closed. Your mind clamped down. Your body felt constricted. As you start to move and ask these emergence questions, these solution focused questions, these vision based questions, you feel your heart start to open again, your mind start to expand, your body relax. Energetically, vibrationally, you’ve just moved up a few degrees. You’re maybe not at 32 anymore. Maybe you were at 10, and now you’re at 20. You might still be in the realm of ice, but you’re moving up the scale. You might not be on K-LACK anymore, but you might be still in static, but at least you’re not hearing the blues and all the gossip. It’s just static. It’s not entirely tuned into K-RICH yet, but it’s still an improvement. You follow? Now we take it the next step. Now you really feel into that vision. You give yourself the time to really visualize it, to really feel what it feels like to live that vision, to be that person, and then you do the visualization-vibration process, where you breathe into that energy, and as you exhale you let it expand to fill your body, and then breathe and exhale again and radiate it into your life, radiate it to this seemingly challenge, and just feel yourself as a radiant being of this energy. Now we move. We are now in what’s called a more receptive, available, congruent state of mind, and we can now ask the question, from this place, what am I called to do, to do more of, to do less of, or to do differently, to bring about a solution with ease and grace and dignity? From that place it’s like you’ve now tuned into a higher quality station, and there are higher quality answers. First of all, you don’t just merely receive the answer, but vibrationally you are now becoming the answer. From that place you might be inspired with an idea, a bit of guidance, direction. So that’s the next stage.
The first stage is you’ve hit the problem, breathe, turn your attention toward asking those solution based, vision based questions. Then as you do that you continue to ask specifying questions until you’ve unpacked a vision for your life, the change you want to see in the world, in your world, or beyond. Now you start to have a sense of a vision. You write it down, and then Step 3, you visualize. You use the angel of your imagination to activate the visionary vibration, to feel what it feels like to already be the answer, to be living the solution, and even beyond a mere solution. Notice, it’s no longer just pay the bill. It’s a vision of a life of so much more joy and abundance and possibility. That expands your energy, and then the fourth step you radiate it, really that’s still part of the third step. You radiate it. You fill yourself with it. The fourth step is you now ask from that new state of mind, that solution state, what activity, what am I called to do or not do, to do more of or less of or different, in order to bring about a solution to this with ease and with grace, even with peace and joy? Then you sit with that, and you allow it to bubble up.
At any point in this you might get snagged and pulled back, because you’re still sliding towards that wall to some extent, because the problem has not yet been solved. The temptation will be to get frustrated and go, I just got to solve this problem now, and you just turn back to the wall. When that happens, you breathe again. You come back. You breathe again. You turn your attention back to the road. You keep doing that and asking that question, and then journaling what comes up. Okay?
The fifth stage is you want to ultimately and eventually design a way of life so that this is where you live from on a regular basis. So you’re not just waiting for problems to activate this process, but you take the great vision of your life, and you start to design a way of life around that visionary vibration, around the qualities of feeling and being, and the proactive actions of doing. So that you are now thinking and feeling, walking and talking, in a way that is integrity with this larger vision. In other words, most of your attention is focused on the finish line and racing around that track, versus more and more of your attention focused on the wall that is always just out of your periphery that you could crash into any moment. Most of your attention is focused on the road, on the way, on the finish line, on the vision. That becomes the way of life, and you’re just going around and around and growing and winning the race of your life on a regular daily basis. That becomes a way of life, and if you want to have more in depth understanding of how to do that, I highly encourage you to check out the podcast in here that talks about the LIFT practice, which stands for Living In the Feeling Tone of your vision. That allows you to really take this to the next level.
There’s another level to which this is very valuable. If you’re a coach, a healer, a teacher, or a parent, even a friend of someone, when a friend or a child or a client comes to you, and they’re stuck in the problem, or a spouse, one of the worst things to do is immediately try to solve it and give them answers and solutions at that level. They’re not yet receptive or available or congruent. So instead what you want to begin to tease out of them in a subtle way is to move their attention toward a higher, more congruent, more quality state of being. So they might come to you, a child, like, That jerk Steve at school; he’s such a jerk. Maybe the child comes to you who’s had a fight with a sibling, Bobby is such a mean brother. I hate him.It’s like, What did Bobby do? Tell me what Bobby did, or What did that jerk at school do?You can’t judge people. Don’t talk about those people like that. All of those are adding fuel to the fire. It’s resistance, and they won’t be able to hear it, or they’ll just feel unseen, unheard, unloved, and they’ll rebel. Instead, you move them slowly, and sometimes creatively and dramatically, into being solution oriented or being receptive. You start with, Wow. You’re really upset, aren’t you? So now they feel seen or acknowledged. That’s a step towards them feeling a more positive feeling tone. Do you see that? Then you might say, Tell me what happened. That does bring them back into the problem, but it’s part of them feeling heard, which is like oxygen to a person who’s struggling. So you really listen. That must have been really hard or really scary, or that must really hurt you when they did that.Yeah. It really did. They kind of take a breath, and you’re like, Honey, I’m so sorry you experienced that. I’m so sorry you’re feeling that. You embrace them, or whatever seems appropriate that they’re available for, and now that’s the next level. Now they feel seen, they feel validated, they feel understood, heard, maybe even loved, and you’ll notice they start to calm down a little bit. They might even say, What do you think we should do about it?
Now, it depends on the situation, but let’s say they’re complaining. Let’s say your child comes to you, or a client, and they’re struggling with some issue, like Look at my report card. Look at, I got a C on there or a D, or I lost a client. I lost one of these people in my business, or I didn’t make enough money this month, or whatever the problem is. You might go, That’s really rough. That’s really hard. I really understand that. Then you might say, Tell me more about your business. You’re just expanding the conversation. They might be like, It’s this kind of a business. We do these kind of things.That’s really interesting. Remind me again, why are you doing this business? What is it about it you love?I mean, it’s my mission, my purpose, to help people or create this kind of product, or make this kind of difference.That’s beautiful. What really inspires you about that? Where did that come from?When I was a kid,or I see people suffering, and I just feel like I can make a difference.Have you made a difference sometimes? Tell me about some of the moments you have.Of course, I’ve got a lot of people that are happy clients.Tell me about it. When’s the last time you really felt like you made a positive difference?You just keep teasing it out. Tell me about what’s working in your business. Whatever. You begin to get their attention focused on, I mean, this is great, and I love this, and I’m passionate about this. You notice them start to breathe, start to relax, start to expand. You feel the energy. You’ve now put them in a more receptive solution state of mind. They are more congruent now energetically, emotionally, mentally, with the place they want to live in, with the place they want their life to go. Do you see? Then you can even go a little further and say, What would be your ultimate vision of this business or of your clientele? Now you extend them to even a grander vision and really get them pumped up and on fire with it. Now from that place you go, So from this place, notice how you’re feeling right now. What’s one thing you could do to grow your revenue this month, or to get a new client? Now from that more receptive place they’re actually more available to their innate wisdom, to their innate genius, to that perfect plan within them. You see that?
Same thing with a child. They’re focusing on that C or that D on their report card, and they’re beating themselves up, or they’re scared of what dad’s going to think, and you’re like, Tell me. Do you like that math class?No. I hate it. It sucks.What about these other classes? Do you like any of your classes?I really like art, or I really like English. I love reading.Tell me more about that. What do you love about that? I’d love to hear. They might resist. They might go, I don’t care about that. What am I going to do about this C?I totally agree. We’re going to figure that out, but I’m just really curious, because I’m trying to help see what else is going on in your school, because there might be a clue there for us to help you discover why that C happened. So I’d just love to know what class you love.I really love English.What do you love about it?I love reading.Tell me about something you’ve read lately that you really love.We just read Tom Sawyer, and Tom Sawyer is so cool. I wish I could be like Tom.Wouldn’t that be fun? How would you be in your life now if you could be more like Tom?I certainly wouldn’t let people tell me what to do, and I would really honor my vision, or I would create something or go on a great adventure.What kind of adventure would you like to go on?It’d be kind of cool if we could go on river trip or something.That would be really fun, wouldn’t it?
You start to get them excited, and then you can expand it. If you could bring this kind of adventurous spirit to your school, to your classes, what would you want to do?I don’t know. I’ve been thinking I’d like to do this or do that. You are growing their awareness of what’s possible. You’re making them connected, more congruent, and now you say, What do you think you could bring that we’ve been talking about, like this Tom Sawyer adventurous? How would Tom Sawyer think about this C on his report card? Tom Sawyer wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t let that C get him down.Tom does sound pretty cool.He’s really cool.So maybe that’s great place you could play and act like you’re Tom Sawyer, and not let it get you down. What else would Tom Sawyer do if he knew that he wanted to bring that grade up? It’s not that big of a deal, but what else might he do?Tom Sawyer would find some creative or adventurous way to deal with it, and on and on and on, until you help the child discover their more receptive congruent place, or the client, or the friend, etc.
Now, if it’s a spouse, a person that is truly your equal, or a friend, and you’re not their parent or authority, and their not your client, it’s a little different in the sense that you’re not teaching them. You’re not there to be their coach or their teacher. You’re there to be their friend or their lover. So you just want to be mindful of that. You can still ask questions that open up and really listen and let them express themselves and feel heard and seen and valued and loved, and sometimes that is enough. If you’re a man, and you’re talking to a woman, most of the time the woman doesn’t even want you to solve the problem. The woman just wants to feel heard and seen and held and loved. Then she’s fine, and she’ll go solve it. There might come a moment where she’s feeling better, she’s feeling loved, and you say, Is there anything else I can do to support you? Anything else you want to talk about to try to solve this? If not, that’s fine, but just want you to know I’m here. She might say, Thanks, I’m really good now. It’s not that big of a deal after all, or I don’t know. If you have any ideas, I’d love to hear them. Whereas if you start right out of the gate with that she’s not going to be able to hear it, because she’s gasping for air, and she needs oxygen. With a man, even though men like to solve things, and I know I’m being somewhat stereotypical, the masculine likes to, the man still wants to feel seen and valued, appreciated and respected. So you really listening to him and validating him and understanding him, and then noticing within the story the things he’s doing good and right and absolutely validating those. That’s going to make him feel back in his power again. That’s going to make him feel good about himself again. It’s going to make him feel good about his relationship, and then there might be an opening. You want to wait for the opening. You might say, Is there anything else I can do to help you? I’m here. I just want you to know that. You might get, Thanks, but I’m good. I got it. He might say, I don’t know. If you have any ideas, sure. Then you can share. Unless that opening comes, you don’t want to be advice giving and counseling and coaching your spouse. A word to the wise. I learned the hard way, because I did so much coaching it was just natural, and also being a man it’s natural for my masculinity to want to solve problems.
You can see how this same idea of bringing yourself or bringing a loved one or a client into a solution state of mind. If you’re a minister or whatever, a manager of a team, the same thing applies. You want to bring people back into a congruent receptive solution state of mind. That’s where the answers are. that’s where evolution happens. That’s where real healing and growth happens. That’s where we have the greatest most resourceful presence of being, and when you bring the attention back there, whatever is truly meant to unfold next now has an opening to do that.
I hope this has served you and supported you, and I hope this has brought you into an even greater solution state of mind. If you would like to get more, please register for this podcast in iTunes, the Emergence podcast. Leave a review. It helps more people to hear about it, more people to be served, and if you want a deeper dive and more resources, you can grab my bestselling book Emergence. You can just go to www.MyEmergenceBook.com, and when you grab a copy there I’m going to give you a whole bunch more support and coaching, different things to really support that, over $1,000 in bonuses. You can also go to LawofEmergence.com and get a free mini training course on the Law of Emergence. As always, you can go to DerekRydall.com to grab other resources. DerekRydall.com to grab various resources, sign up for the newsletter. LawofEmergence.com to get a free mini training e-course on the Law of Emergence and how to apply it your life. MyEmergenceBook.com to get a copy of the bestselling book Emergence and a bunch in bonuses. Of course, sign up for the Emergence podcast on iTunes so that you never miss an episode and can download up to 100 free trainings. Until next time, remember to live authentically, love unconditionally, and follow your destiny.