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Most people’s perception of God — and what most religions teach about God — is based on an outdated model created before we had any understanding of the deeper nature of the universe. The true source and activity of the divine — and how we can connect with It — is hidden in the ancient teachings. And in this video, I break it down and show you a path back to your higher power and greatest potential!
To Your Emergence!
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Forgiveness is such a loaded subject, partly because we don’t really understand what forgiveness means, and that there are multiple levels of forgiveness.
The most primary level is a sort of superiority; it’s very much an ego-driven thing. At this level, you, to some extent, recognize that unforgiveness is unuseful; there’s some level of recognizing that holding a grudge is painful and it’s not helping you.
The second level is when you’re willing to no longer withhold from another individual. At stage, when you think about forgiving someone, there’s some degree of either neutrality, or maybe even a degree of love, (or at least wanting the best for them) even though there may still be a little bit of a sting, because you’re still seeing them as having done you wrong.
That’s a very powerful step, but it’s still not the truest meaning of forgiveness, however, it’s very advantageous and preferable to the alternative.
Here’s something to understand: Forgiveness is primarily for you. If you are withholding love or blessings from somebody else, no matter what, you are actually blocking your own channel of flow.
From the Emergence model we understand that whatever is missing is what I’m not giving. If I’m withholding love, gratitude, and joy from anyone or anything, at any time, that much love, gratitude and joy cannot flow into my life.
Listen to the podcast episode above for the full explanation and learn how you can put it to work in your life TODAY.
And remember, self-help is shelf help – you have everything you need already!
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Why God Can’t Help You
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of the Emergence, A Revolutionary Path for Radical Life Change, with Derek Rydall Podcast]
Welcome to another episode of Ask Derek, as I am your guide on the side instead of the sage on the stage, where we’re learning the deep dive principles of Emergence which is by understanding the underlying principles that really govern successful living and really the inside out way of living. Knowing that you’ve already got it all within you, Emergence shows you how to get it out, how to bring out that genius, that abundance, that potential in a way that is organic, that is natural. In this series of podcasts, Ask Derek, what we’re doing is taking some of the most commonly asked questions and challenges, so that we can answer them directly to you. If you have a question you’d like me to answer, just make sure you register for the podcast on iTunes, pop over to our blog at derekrydall.com and register for the blog, and then post your questions, as many as you want. Then, I’ll be picking from these different questions and, over time, beginning to answer as many of them as possible. I look forward to hearing your questions and to answering them.
In this particular episode, we’re answering the question How do I forgive bad people? Forgiveness is such a loaded subject, partly because we don’t really understand what forgiveness means and that there are multiple levels, at least three levels, of forgiveness. The first level is, Well, they’re bad person and I’m better than that, so I’m going to forgive them. Right? That’s the first most primary level. It’s a sort of superiority; it’s very much an ego-driven thing. It, to some extent, recognizes that unforgiveness is unuseful. As the old saying goes, Not forgiving somebody and thinking that’s going to hurt them is like drinking poison and thinking it’s going to kill them. Maybe there’s some level of recognizing that holding a grudge is painful; it’s not helping you. Your way of forgiveness is sort of, Well, they’re bad. They did me wrong, but that’s just them. I’m better than that, so I’m going to forgive them. I’m not going to hold to grudge. That’s one level. Now, it’s certainly preferable than having absolutely no forgiveness – continuing to hold the grudge, continuing to be angry – although that level of forgiveness still harnesses and harbors the level of anger and resentment. It’s just not as active.
The second level is Well, they did me wrong, but I’m going to be spiritual or more conscious, and I’m going to forgive them. I’m going to learn to find some level of release, some level of relief. I am even maybe going to want the best for them, because that is an element of forgiveness. If you look at the word forgive, to be forgiving is the opposite of to not be for giving, in other words, withholding. The word giving is key there. When you’re willing to no longer withhold from another individual, that’s a process of forgiving. You’re literally saying, I’m willing to bless you or I’m willing to want the best for you. I hope you figure your stuff out, and good luck and good riddance. I’m not going to hold the grudge. I’m going to think peaceful, positive thoughts when I think about you. That’s a very, very powerful step. That begins to purify the negative energy that you are holding onto. That begins to release the poison in your system, but it’s still not the truest meaning of forgiveness, again, very, very advantageous, very preferable to the alternative, which is to not forgive or to merely hold the superior stance which still contains anger and lots of ego.
This stage, at least you are, when you think about them, there’s some degree of either neutrality, or maybe even a degree of love, or at least wanting the best for them, even though there may still be, and usually is, a little bit of a sting underneath that, because you’re still seeing them as having done you wrong. You’re still holding that story. You’re still holding that perception, and so even if you put something on top of it, such as I want the best for them, and you make it feel a little bit better, and you’re not proactively or actively engaging in anger and resentment, there’s still a perception that they did you wrong, that you are wronged. That’s still there, okay?
Again, it’s better than the alternative, and it does begin to keep your channels more open, because here’s a thing to understand: Forgiveness is primarily for you, because if you are withholding love or blessing from somebody else, no matter what, no matter what, you are actually blocking the channel of your own flow. You see, wherever you don’t let love flow out of you, in that place, love can’t flow into your life. The life force can’t flow out of you to prosper your own life, and it also can’t flow into you, so you’re literally blocking your own flow, and that results in stagnation. That stagnated energy shows up in your life as forms of death, whether it’s emotional, mental, or often financial. When you begin to open those channels again, and you realize that I want to be in love, I want to be in joy, I want to be in peace, no matter what or who pops in to my mind or my experience, I want to live in an atmosphere of love. I’m going to radiate only love, and only joy, and only peace, and only gratitude in all directions, not at first for anybody else’s good, so that that’s the atmosphere I live in.
Because from the Emergence model now, I’m understanding that whatever is missing is what I’m not giving. If I’m withholding love and gratitude and joy from anyone or anything at any time, that much love and gratitude and joy cannot get into my life. Do you follow? I’m blocking my abundance. I’m going to love. I’m going to shine. I’m going to be an unconditional instrument of love and gratitude, come what may. If you step into my field of love and gratitude, you’ll be blessed, and that’s good for you. First and foremost, I’m doing it for me. Then, you begin to extend it and realize that everybody else is an extension of you, is a dimension of you. The more you love and bless and give to them, the more you are literally circulating the good into other dimensions of yourself. What you give to another is like taking something from your right hand and putting it in your left hand. It’s still yours, and in fact, it multiplies. You start to really realize that it’s the benefit for you and for everybody just to love and to bless and tobe grateful and to multiply the blessings. If they’re not available or receptive to it, they may or may not experience the benefit of it, but it won’t prevent you from experiencing the benefit. That’s a very powerful level of forgiveness. That’s usually as far as anybody ever goes. If that’s as far as you go, you’ve gone a long way, okay? That just means constantly praying and intending to completely forgive everybody and everything on every level, especially and including yourself, to love and bless everybody and to want for everybody the highest good especially and including yourself. That begins to creating an environment and atmosphere of unconditional love and unconditional flow, okay? Very, very important, very, very powerful.
You can begin to practice and pray and intend that, regardless of how you feel, as a mantra, as a forgiveness bath or shower that you take every day at the end of every day. Over time, you will begin to notice that when you think of that person, there’s less and less of a charge, and then eventually, it hits a point of neutrality. You just don’t feel anything, and then it starts to go into the positive territory. You actually think of them and you feel a sense of love, compassion, understanding, patience, etc., the various shades of love. You can also, if you need a little support in this, you can ask questions like praying to God or to your spirit or whatever guidance, give me, show me how to forgive them or forgive them through me; I myself can’t do it. Why should I forgive them? What are five really good reasons why I should completely release this and totally bless them and forgive them? What are five or ten things about them that are really positive and good? What are five or ten things about my relationship with them that are really positive and good? What are five or 10 things about even the experience that are positive or good? What’s the blessing? What are the lessons? What is the value here?
As you begin to actually have moments where you go, Well, they did steal from me, but, wow, they were certainly creative in how they did it. It was absolutely creative of them. It was incredibly clever.Or, They did cheat on me, but at least they were going for what they needed. I know in my own life, I don’t do that. I don’t approve the way they did it. They were dishonest. They were out of integrity, but where in my own life do I want it, want more? Maybe even in that situation, I knew things were not right, but I didn’t address it, so now they’re letting me see that. I had a part in this. As you begin to look to see what was my part in it, how did I not honor my own guidance, what’s the blessing, what’s the lesson, what’s the gift here, then you start to unpack and discover positive things about them, positive things about the experience. You start to requalify and reframe the experience. This is where you move into the third level of forgiveness.
This is where you begin to discover that, spiritually speaking, there is only one life and one activity going on everywhere, and it’s an activity of love and of creativity, and of fulfillment, of ever expressing, ever expanding life expression. There’s one infinite life that is absolute good, and that is forever unfolding. As it unfolds and it bumps into areas and pockets of lack, limitation, separation, it manifests as crises, challenges, problems: people hurting us, betraying us, all of the dramas of the human experience. The deeper meaning of that problem or challenge is that we’ve been living in a world too small, that we’ve been trying to manage our life in a world that is too small for who we really are, who we want to be, what we’ve prayed or affirmed, or called into being. We wanted to be in this certain kind of relationship, but we wanted to be a certain kind of person, but we weren’t really consciously and actively pursuing that. We weren’t cleaning up our own side of the street, or we weren’t fully being conscious in integrity and honoring ourselves in some way, and the situation happened. At first, we felt like a victim of it, but upon deeper reflection, we realize it’s happening to wake us up, to crack us up out of our old shells, to shake out the old structures, to make us see where we’ve been living a lie or living too small or living out of integrity with our soul or not living true to our higher vision. We see that, in fact, everything is always conspiring for our evolution, just as certain trees require a forest fire for them to crack open their seed pods and germinate. Sometimes our own life does as well, and it looks like people doing us wrong.
If Judas didn’t do what Judas did to Jesus, Jesus couldn’t have fulfilled Jesus’ mission. For many people that hated President Bush, but loved President Obama, if you look at the conditions that were created because of the administration of Bush, that was the very condition that made it possible for Obama to be elected. As terrible or negative as you may think it was, it was a precursor. It created the forest fire, the condition that made Obama possible. On and on throughout history you see this to be the case, and you see it individually as well as collectively. You see it in industries. You see it in many areas where necessity becomes the mother of invention. Pain, struggle, conflict, challenge, heartbreak, breakdown –becomes the very condition that leads to the breakthrough. Now, I’m not saying that there’s a spiritual principle that says we have to suffer, but I am saying in this dimension that tends to be one of the ways that we break through, especially if we’re in resistance.
The highest level of forgiveness is the realization that this is going on, but there is a greater wholeness always trying to break through. This other individual is really an aspect of your own life, your own soul. There really a soulmate with a sacred contract to play a part for your own awakening. In reality, nobody was hurt. In Reality, there is no victim and no victimizer. In Reality, they were playing their part so that you could play yours. Now, for some of you, that’s going to feel like a bitter pill to swallow. I want to be very clear, I am not condoning any destructive behavior. If somebody hurts or attacks, or is violent, or robs, steals, rapes, plunders, etc., none of those actions are condonable. We’re not condoning them, but we are willing to dig deeper and realize that there’s a chaotic process going on, which is a word that means behind chaos; there is a bigger order.
Behind the most human aberrations, there is a spiritual aspiration trying to break through. We’re willing to be mature enough spiritually and intellectually to look for the deeper pattern, the bigger pattern, the larger order, and then to come into alignment with that. If we want to grow, if we want to be free, and if we want to be leaders of greater freedom in our individual and collective lives, then that’s the path we must take. It doesn’t mean we condone people. If somebody is violent and dangerous to themselves or others, they need to be put in jail. Let me be very clear about that, but even while we may close the bars on their door, we do not close the door of our heart. We continue to love them. We continue to know the truth about them. We continue to serve in their own and wherever we are called for their own freedom; we can do both. We can not condone bad behavior and still love. What a noble idea. We can not condone bad behavior and be very strong and be very forthright and say, That is not okay. That is absolutely unacceptable, or whatever the consequence maybe, I will not do business with you anymore, because you are not in integrity; you did not honor this agreement, or I will not be with you because you did this, or I will call the police and you will go to jail, etc., etc. At the same time, love them, love ourselves, seek the higher truth about the situation so that it becomes evolutionary and healing for us at least and maybe for family, and maybe for them. Keep the doors of our heart open regardless of we have to close some of the doors of our human experience, on a relationship, on a business deal, or whatever.
We can do both. The highest level of forgiveness allows us to do both, and that’s the path of real mastery and real freedom. You really can love everybody unconditionally. It’s what I call having a heart of gold but a soul of steel. This is what real forgiveness looks like. Some people that’s why they are afraid to forgive; they think if I forgive the other person, I’m condoning. No. Again, this is not something I would go and speak to the masses necessarily, because in the hands of an unconscious person they could think that I’m giving permission for them to go do something wrong, and then just rationalize it. That’s not what I’m saying. You can absolutely hold people accountable, hold them in integrity, hold them to agreement, have consequences, and love and forgive and have compassion. Compassion is an understanding of their lack of understanding. That’s what I’m calling into, and then it leads you into the deeper meaning of your life, the deeper meaning of your life’s experiences, the deeper Divine purpose and ultimate potential.
How do you forgive bad people? You ultimately realize there are no bad people. There are people that had become caught, that had become unconscious, that are caught by societal values of lack, limitation, and fear, that have become aberrant, twisted in their own mental concepts and perceptions and are acting those fears and limitations out in the world because they’re asleep; they’re caught up in a nightmare. Forgive them for they know not what they do, even if humanly they know. They’re asleep. They’re unconscious. They’re not bad in their soul, even if they’re expressing bad. The word evil is live backwards. All evil actions are when somebody is operating in opposition or reverse of life principles, and they’re only doing that because that’s how they’ve been conditioned. We begin to understand that. We begin to have compassion for that. We allow that to transform us and heal us, and grow us. We have compassion and love and forgiveness for them. We seek in whatever capacity we are called to have educate and transform them, redeem them and ourselves, taking full responsibility for our part in it. At the same time, we hold them accountable with consequences.
This is the path of radical forgiveness. Ultimately, as I said, we realize that all of this is for our own growth and evolution, that all of the enemies in our world are really within our own consciousness. This is what Jesus meant when he said, Forgive your enemies seventy times seven which basically means until you no longer have to, and he said, The enemy is in your own household which is esoteric or metaphysical metaphor for your consciousness, your mind or your soul. All the enemies are within us. As we fall in love with forgive and integrate all of our internal enemies, there’s no longer being projected onto the world. We no longer draw that into our experience. If we do, that’s an opportunity for us to grow and to heal, or to be a healing influence.
I hope this has helped you to begin to understand forgiveness in a deeper, richer way, and to maybe even be a little inspired to start up leveling your practice of forgiveness. To get more support, please, one of the best most powerful programs to work with these parts of you, the enemies within you is the Shadow Dancing program that we offer. You can go to derekrydall.com and get that. You can get a free download to begin working on your shadow if you go to derekrydall.com/shadowprocess. You can also just go to the resource section, get other free support and trainings. If you don’t have my book, Emergence, or even if you do and you want to get another copy, you can go to getemergencebook.com and when you get a copy through there, you are going to get about almost $1800 in free bonuses and trainings, including some light support to really apply these principles. Please register for the podcast. Share it with a friend, the loved one, the client, if you’re finding this hopeful, inspiring, educating. Until next time. Remember to live authentically, love unconditionally and follow your destiny.
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This is an issue that has always been part of human culture, but with the ability of so many people to comment anonymously online, our need to deal with criticism and the haters has been greatly magnified.
There’s a thing in the UK called ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome,’ which is based on the need to cut off the top of a poppy if it grows above the rest — to create uniformity. But it also applies to people — if someone gets too big and rises above the rest, there is an impulse to cut them down. When people start to outgrow the tribe, then members of the tribe seek to pull them back down so that they can feel safe and secure.
The key thing to remember from the standpoint of Emergence is that everything, without exception, is there to serve you. You are creating your own Universe, and so everything, if you’re willing to practice this way and to live in this framework, is there to serve your awakening, empowerment, and evolution — to make you an ever stronger instrument of what you’re here to do, be and share.
You’ve got to start there. Everything is here to serve me. So the question doesn’t become, “Why is this happening to me?” , but, “How is this serving me?” “How is this making me stronger?”, “How is this activating something in me, and what is the greater potential it’s activating in me?”
Whenever somebody is criticizing you, especially when it’s truly unfair, unjust or unfounded, there is a very powerful opportunity for you to become more anchored in your truth. It’s the opportunity to build that inner soul stamina, that inner muscle of knowing who you are, and of valuing yourself — which ultimately will inoculate you from the limited thought viruses of the world.
If you understand the shadow work, anything that pushes or pulls you is a projection of your unintegrated potential or power. That works both ways — anything that is pushing your buttons, which are the haters or the criticisms, is really an unconscious judgment you have about a part of yourself.
When you are criticized and it’s making you feel like you need to fight for your right or defend your perspective, and convince them that it’s not true, it’s because there’s a part of you that actually believes it. (It’s also possible that there’s a part of you that actually does have that element to some degree.) To become truly free and empowered requires you to look at this part, understand, embrace, and integrate it.
For example, somebody calls you selfish, and you might respond, “I’m not selfish! I’m one of the most giving people I know. I’m always helping you. I’m always doing this for you.” You find yourself going through a list of all the ways you’re such a giving selfless person. This is just defense, resistance, and actually anchors the shame and judgment even deeper.
Instead, you want to stop and contemplate if there is any truth to it – “Let me see where in my life am I selfish.”This immediately starts to diffuse the criticism, especially if you do it in front of a someone whose criticized you, instead of defending yourself. You actually start to look for where you’re selfish, and you’ll find something. If you don’t find the way you are overtly selfish to others, then you want to look internally and see where you’re selfish with yourself. You’re not doing this to beat yourself up, but because it’s showing up in your life as feedback. Don’t just dismiss it.
The next thing you look at is the particular judgment, the shadow, and see where you might have some baggage around it. For example, let’s say you’re becoming successful, getting in shape, or growing in some positive way, and some people tell you, “Oh, you’re so greedy. You’re so self-important.” If you’re a spiritual teacher or artist, you might hear things like, “How could you try to make money off spirituality or art? That’s so unspiritual…art, music, information — these should all openly available to everyone. You should be charging much less or giving it away for free!”
To key is to see where you harbor judgments, fears, beliefs of limitations around this area. It’s showing up as criticism so you can clear it and embody the truth of it — that means, first, seeing where you might be out of integrity, and second, seeing where you have unconscious limiting beliefs, shadows or values conflicts that are sabotaging your ability to really grow or succeed in this area. It’s like the beginning of a weed that’s going to eventually grow up and choke the plant. This might be a blessing in disguise.
By being willing to examine your judgments and shadows you begin to clean up your side of the street and become even more in integrity, more in alignment with who or what you really are. As you ask yourself, “How is this here to truly serve my greater purpose and potential?”, you will begin to tap into a vision for your life where you start to see that this is showing up to make you stronger and more resilient. You begin to access and activate latent powers, gifts, talents and abilities.
That’s the gift of criticism. And what an awesome gift it is!
To support you in mastering this, listen to the in-depth podcast on the subject, where we break it down and put it into real-life practice TODAY. This will be a real game-changer.
To Your Emergence!
Other powerful free trainings in the podcast library:
Where are You REALLY?
When to Stay the Course, When to Change Directions
Why ALL Your Beliefs Limit You (And What You Should Do Instead)
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of the Emergence, A Revolutionary Path for Radical Life Change, with Derek Rydall Podcast]
Welcome to another episode of Ask Derek on this journey of Emergence, where we deal with the question today How do you deal with the haters? Otherwise known as the gift of criticism. This is something that is always been a part of culture, people that criticize people, that hate on people, that try to cut people down. In the UK, there’s a saying for the tall poppy syndrome. If a poppy gets too big above the rest, it gets lopped off at the head. When people get too big amongst the tribe, then the rest of the individuals on some levels seek to pull them back down to match everybody else. They’re such a general kind of thing that one ego likes to bring another ego down and ultimately be at the very least equal and ideally less than, or if you’ve been wounded then actually you bring yourself down, but that’s a whole other topic. Nowadays, with internet and with so much public expression of ourselves and so much public exposure and so many people online that can comment anonymously, this problem of dealing with criticism and the haters, also called the trolls, is just much, much bigger, and I would submit that it’s not that the problem itself or the issue itself has changed, it’s just that it becomes magnified, but it’s always been in the human psyche.
The key thing to remember from the standpoint of Emergence and this work is that everything, without exception, is there to serve you. You are creating your own Universe, and so everything, without exception, if you’re willing to practice this way and to live in this framework, is there to serve your awakening, your empowering, your evolution to make you an ever stronger, pure instrument of what you’re really here to do and to be and the gifts you’re here to give. You’ve got to start there. You’ve got to always come back to there. Everything is here to serve me. So the question doesn’t become, why is this happening to me, but how is this serving me? How is this making me stronger? How is this activating something in me, and what is the greater potential it’s activating in me? Whenever somebody is hating on you, is criticizing you, especially when it’s truly unfair or unjust or unfounded, then there is a very powerful opportunity for you to become really anchored in the truth of who and what you really are and build that inner soul stamina, that inner muscle of knowing who you are, of valuing yourself, of not being inoculated or immune to the feedback and the criticisms of the world.
There’s another side topic to this, which I won’t go into today, but it’s important to know that ultimately you want to become free of all opinions, good ones and the bad ones. So even those that are praising you, you ultimately want to become free of those too. For one thing, much praise is really a projection. If you understand the shadow work, anything that pushes or pulls you is a projection of your unintegrated potential or power. That works both ways, so anything that is pushing your buttons, which are the haters or the criticisms, is really an unconscious judgment you have about a part of yourself. We’ll talk about that in a moment. Anything that pulls you, those people you greatly admire, those people you find yourself praising, is really also a projection of an unintegrated, unidentified part of your own power. When other people are praising you, often, they’re projecting their disowned power. That’s why, especially if you’re in some role of leadership, authority, expert, teacher, etc. and that begins to happen, or healer, or therapist, at some point, projection happens, or otherwise, it’s been called transference. They start to either reject you or praise you, criticize you or praise. Both are equally false. Both are equally their projection. When it’s criticism, your job is to not defend and fight and prove your point, but to look within yourself and find that part of yourself where you hold that criticism, where you have that shadow. When it’s praise, your job is to notice your own proclivity, the one that grabbed on to that.
Now, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t receive the love and the compliments. Let it in. Let all the love in, but if you’re in authority position, you want to give it back to them. You don’t want people to become followers. You want to empower them to become their own leaders. When they start projecting their power on you, you want to not so much reject their compliment, accept it, but also remind them that whatever good they see in you, especially where they feel incredibly praiseworthy, is really a reflection of good that’s within them, that they perhaps have not fully owned, and that this is an opportunity to own it. So, the entire star system, celebrity, athletes, all of that, is made of that. It’s made up of a projection of our disowned power. Praise and criticism are equally projections, and ultimately we want to become free of both of them.
We’re talking about the haters today. We’re talking about the gift of criticism, and so we come back to the shadow again and understand that if anybody is criticizing you or hating on you, and it’s making you feel like you need to fight for your right, you need to defend your prospective, you need to set them straight, you need to convince them that it’s not true or convince other people that it’s not true, it’s because there’s a part of you that actually believes it. It’s also possible that there’s a part of you that actually does have that element to some degree. For example, somebody calls you selfish, and you might go, I’m not selfish. I’m one of the most giving people I know. I’m always helping you. I’m always doing this for you. You find yourself going through a list of all the ways you’re such a giving selfless person. The first thing you want to do is stop and go, Let me take that feedback in and let me see is there any truth to it. Criticism is never True. It’s not ultimate truth, but you want to look and see Is there any truth to it? Let me see where in my life am I selfish.
First of all, this immediately starts to diffuse the criticism, especially if you do it in person in front of them, instead of defending yourself. You actually start to look for where you’re selfish, and you’ll find something. If you don’t find the way you are overtly selfish to others, then you want to look internally and see where am I selfish with myself? When somebody says you’re greedy, and you’re like one of the most generous people you know, where am I greedy? You look, and you’ll find something. That’s the first step. Find out where there’s some truth to it, not to beat yourself up, but because it’s showing up in your life as feedback. Don’t just dismiss it. Of course, sometimes, feedback is not simply you’re being selfish. It’s things like, you’re a complete waste of humanity. You’re a waste of human space, and in that case, it’s going to be hard to go, Where am I a waste of human space? Now, you might find something as the old axiom goes, If you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space. You might actually go, Well, I do waste time just surfing the internet. I gossip with my friends sometimes, just meaningless gossip that adds no value to anybody’s life. You know what, that is a waste of human space. That is a waste of time. In that moment, I am wasting my life and their life. That might be valuable to discover that, to clean that up.
The next thing you look at is, Okay, let me look at that particular judgment, that shadow, and see where I might have some baggage around that. For example, let’s say you are becoming successful or you’re endeavoring to be successful and make more money in your life, and some people come out and tell you, Oh, you’re so greedy. You’re so self-important. If you’re a consciousness or spiritual teacher or thought leader, you’ll get the kind of criticisms of how could you try to make money off spirituality. That’s so unspiritual. That’s so unconscious. That’s so mean or insensitive. You should be charging much, much less or giving it away for free, etc. If you are really a spiritual teacher, you wouldn’t charge anything. That’s a very big thing of baggage in this arena. You can go and look at that and see where do you hold some personal judgments about people that make a lot of money, or people that make money with spirituality, or people that are really successful. You can begin to see how you also harbor some udgments around that, some fears around that, some beliefs of limitation around that. They’re showing up so that you can clean it out, so that you can first of all see where you might be out of integrity, and second of all see where you have unconscious limiting beliefs or shadows or values conflicts that are sabotaging your ability to really grow or to really succeed or they will. It’s like the beginning of a weed that’s going to eventually grow up and choke the plant. This might be a blessing in disguise. This is a gift of criticism.
You can begin to clean up your side of the street and become even more in integrity, more in alignment with who or what you really are, and you can begin to access and activate latent powers, gifts, talents and abilities. I won’t go into the whole shadow process here, but you can certainly check out when I talk about shadow work or values conflict in other podcasts. You can go to DerekRydall.com/ShadowProcess and download a free audio process around the shadow. You can also grab the Shadow Dancing program if you really want to master shadow work. So, you first want to acknowledge where there might be some truth, so you can come back into greater integrity. You want to then acknowledge where you might have judgments and baggage around this particular part of you, so that you can begin to clean it up and activate that disowned power and capacity through the shadow work. Finally, as you ask how is this here to truly serve my greater purpose, my greater potential, you will begin to tap into a vision for your life where you start to see that this is showing up to make you stronger, more resilient, so that you can give your gifts and speak your truth, and share your work and your message, whether it’s in your family or in relationships or in the world, in bigger and bigger platforms and bigger and bigger ways where there will be even more potential for attack and criticism.
Let’s just say right now you’re just starting out, and perhaps your circle of influence is relatively small, and so there’s not a lot of people that are exposed you or your message or your work or your opinions, and it’s not challenging you that much. If you are to suddenly get a large global platform or suddenly be in front of a large audience or suddenly be exposed in some much grander way, a hundred times where you are right now, the amount of feedback, criticism, opinions would most likely just crush you, because you don’t have the inner fortitude or stamina or resilience or consciousness that’s been developed to handle that. When I was just walking around in high school, if anybody had an opinion about me, it took me out for a period of time. Now, I’m exposed to tens of thousands of people or more a year, and there’s plenty of opinion. It’s not that it doesn’t sometimes still bother me a little bit, but it’s mostly because I’m sad by the lack of compassion and the ignorance of other people when they are just haters. I don’t mind constructive criticism, and you shouldn’t either, when it’s just trolling, when it’s just hating, when it’s just venting and it has no value. My level of resilience and my ability to handle it is much, much stronger. Sometimes people are like, How do you deal with that? How do you handle that? hence this question – how do you deal with the haters? It’s because I’ve been practicing. I’ve been exercising my capacity to love myself, value myself, forgive myself and be humble enough to look at these places in me that aren’t in integrity and that do have judgments and baggage and shadows.
Have I completely cleaned myself out of all of this? Absolutely not. In fact, one of the things that inspired me to do this podcast and answer this question now is because in recent months, the last year or so, I’ve been growing through a period where in the realm of family and friends and social circles, I became a target for certain stories and beliefs and opinions and perceptions that in my opinion are not true, and in fact are blatantly false and could be extremely hurtful, and in fact have been hurtful a few times. I noticed for the first time in a long time, I felt the need to want to convince other people that these stories and things weren’t true, whereas in the larger world, I had become relatively inoculated. I don’t mean if I was to suddenly be on the global stage, in the global media, that I would be immune to that level of feedback, but I get enough feedback to see that I’m pretty strong in that area. What I discovered was that in my personal life, with family and friends and the larger circle, that I was not immune. Of course, that’s where it cuts the deepest, those closest to us. That’s the Divine purpose of those relationships. That’s why we are shadow dancing in those relationships. That’s why we created those soul contracts, so that they could show us where we’re unconscious, where we’re living in fear or separation, lack or limitation, where we don’t know who we really are, where we don’t deeply truly love and value ourselves and respect ourselves. They show up so that we can ultimately come home to ourselves. Because I know that, I’m working with it and have worked through a lot of it. It’s very important that you know that, that everybody that shows up is bearing a gift uniquely wrapped for you.
It’s like the grain of sand that gets into the oyster, that irritates the heck out of it, but the result is that it spins a pearl. To try to get rid of that irritation, it creates a beautiful pearl. So all these people that come into your life that are criticizing you and even hating on you and telling lies or distortions, those are the grains of sand getting in your shell. There you can create a string of pearls. As the Bible calls it, the pearl of great price. It’s that ultimate wisdom that comes from digging deeper, not taking life at face value, but taking everything that comes as a gift and a blessing, often in disguise, and doing this inner work. So that you can transform and transmute that into a pearl, into a jewel, into a treasure, and ultimately into real wisdom that not only adds value to your life but allows you to turn around and add value to the lives of others and to become a role model in whatever area that you endeavor, family, friends, business, the world.
So, my invitation to you is when this shows up in your life – the opinion, the feedback, the criticism, the haters, family, friends, business, and colleagues or beyond – that you stop, and you remember everything is conspiring for your good, for your growth, for your evolution. This is showing up to make you stronger. Then ask what if anything is true about this? I’m willing to see where am I in this so I can take responsibility for it and clean it up. Number two, where is the shadow? What’s the shadow here? If somebody’s calling you a name – you’re a loser, you’re cheap, you’re selfish – whatever, you want to go and do the shadow work on that until you can fully own and embrace that part of you. Number three, you want to ask, how is this serving my larger vision? How is it making me a unique and perfect instrument to serve the larger purpose, to share the larger message? You’ll start to discover as you work with that that it is making you stronger so that you can share your message, speak your truth on a much bigger platform where more people might criticize you or have their opinions, but you will be immune to that because you’ve done the work today rather than waiting until then.
It’s like the story of a surfer that goes from beach to beach waiting for the big wave, but never gets out there and surfs the little ones. When the big wave finally comes, the surfer gets out there and gets just crushed by the wave, because they haven’t built the musculature, the dexterity, the ability to handle that velocity, that energy. They’re just not ready for it, and so it destroys them. If it doesn’t kill them, it might tremendously set them back in terms of their interest and desire and belief that they can never do it again. So, you want to practice every little time there’s a criticism, there’s a judgment, there’s an opinion that pushes your buttons. That’s the time to do the work. It’s like the old saying that every little challenge is a practice for dying. Those challenges that you have to surrender and open up beyond your self-concept is practice for dying, which is the ultimate surrender of your self-concept. That’s all dying really is, you’re releasing your material, personal self-concepts, but who you really are never dies. It continues to emerge and unfold. These criticisms are like little deaths. They’re opportunities for you to let go of a little part of your ego that’s fighting for its right, trying to prove itself, trying to survive. You can breathe and release that and get the gift of that criticism.
One little caveat to all these, and I think it’s very important, because a lot of people, they’re heart-centered, spiritually-minded, they are wounded, they are scarred, they are scared, and sometimes what’s really necessary needed is for people to take a stand for themselves, to so value and respect and love themselves that they have the courage and the willingness to tell other people that are mistreating them, that is not okay. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to talk to me that way. You don’t get to treat me that way. I’m putting my foot down. Come what may. You can reject me. You can fire me. You can kick me out of the house, whatever the case may be, but I will not allow anybody to treat me less than kind and respectful. That’s a very valid stance. It’s a very valid and important step and stage for a person’s development, but if you find yourself always doing that, and doing that and trying to convince a person to see you a certain way, that’s where you know you’ve gotten caught up in your own shadow. You’re trying to use them as a proxy to try to quell your own bad feelings. Do you understand what I mean? If I can just get them to see me a certain way, I’ll feel better, but it never works, because your feeling bad really isn’t about them. They’ve triggered a pocket in you that already has that judgment. So, whenever you are drawing a boundary, this is very important, you’re not doing it to change them. You’re not putting up a boundary to change their behavior. You’re putting up a boundary to honor yourself, to stand in your truth and in your power.
If I said to a person, You don’t get to talk to me that way. If you want to be around me, you’re going to have to treat me more respectful, more kind, etc. I’m not saying you’ve got to change or else. It’s not an ultimatum. Maybe it’s an ultimatum, but I’m not trying to manipulate them. I could even say to them, I’m not telling you you need to be different for your own life, but if you’re going to be in my life, this is where my line is. You see? Then, it’s up to them to change or to choose to change, but you’re not trying to change them. You’re not trying to change them to make you feel better. You’re taking a stance. You’re putting a boundary up. You are loving and valuing and respecting and honoring yourself for its own sake. If they continue to act out, to criticize, to hate on you, to do whatever they’re doing, then you take whatever the next logical step is. You break off relations. There’s a certain consequence. Again, not because you’re trying to change them, but because you’re going to stand in the truth of honoring, valuing, loving, and respecting yourself. Whatever they decide to do around that is ultimately up to them, but it’s an important thing to add to this, because otherwise some people might hear that I’m saying if somebody’s hating on you and saying mean and rude things to you and disrespecting you, don’t say anything to them, don’t do anything about it, just go work on yourself. I’m not saying that. I am saying that wherever it pushes your buttons and makes you feel compelled through a more compulsive behavior to want to change their opinion in order to feel better, that is about you.
You want to work on yourself, so that you don’t have the button, but you also get to have boundaries. You’ve got to treat yourself with love and kindness and respect. Let others know that nothing less than that is acceptable. Now, of course, this comes with a price, because the minute you take a stand to love, value, and respect yourself and make that a boundary, they’re going to call you out on all the places where you are not loving, kind, or respectful to them, or in general. So you’re going to have to take responsibility for that. That’s a step that you have to take sometimes in order to get to the next level. You have to be willing, again, to be humble, to be open, to really listen and to look and see where within me is what they’re saying true? So, this isn’t just one side. Sometimes it’s not a monologue. Sometimes it requires a dialogue, okay? Ultimately, your goal, your focus, your intention is about you cleaning up you, you becoming an integrity, you being cleared of who and what you really are and why you’re alive and knowing your true value and power and coming into a greater sense of self-love, self-respect, and self-actualization. It’s not about changing the world. That’s the key idea here that I want you to get in all of this, okay? That’s how you deal with the haters. That’s the gift of criticism. If you’re willing to take this stand and commit to this path, everybody that comes at you, even though they may think they’re throwing a grain of sand into your shell, you will be able to turn that into a pearl.
By the way, this is also the esoteric meaning of turn the other cheek. It doesn’t mean just letting a person keep hitting you. It means to return a different energy than what you receive. That’s ultimately what you’re able to do. You’re able to take in the hate, the criticism, and transmute it through your consciousness to love and light and power. Think about that. Think about that. It’s like a plant that takes in carbon dioxide and turns it into oxygen. Certain fish and certain sea products, they take in wastes, and they turn it into something of value. That’s what you become – an individual that takes all of that negativity and redeems it and transmute it back into power and intelligence, and wisdom, and light, and ultimately love. That’s pretty cool. I think that’s a beautiful place to end. That’s my charge to you. I hope you’ve enjoyed this edition of Ask Derek as part of my Emergence podcasts. If you want to go deeper in this work, please go to DerekRydall.com. Go to the free resource section. Download all the free tools and trainings. If you have not yet gotten a copy of my best-selling book Emergence, you can go to GetEmergenceBook.com and grab your copy there, and all the bonuses that come with that. If you have not yet registered for this podcast in iTunes, please take a moment. It just takes a moment, it’s literally a click of the button to register on iTunes for the Emergence podcast. Leave a review, because it really does help more people receive this. If you found this to be valuable, please share it with a friend or two. I look forward to connecting with you more personally and to giving you even more cutting edge or emerging edge, knowledge and inspiration and transformation. Until next time, remember to live authentically, love unconditionally, and follow your destiny.
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Nowhere in the Universe is anything stuck. Energy is always moving – always flowing. Even when it’s stuck, it’s moving; it’s just moving in a very constricted spot.
No matter what situation you’re in, the reason why you think you’re stuck – the reason you feel stuck is that you have (A) an expectation of what the outcome should look like, (B) an expectation of what you should be like, of what you should be able to do, be, have, or create in that moment or under those circumstances.
Because of your expectations or perception that something or someone outside of you has to change in order for things to happen in the way that you want, you feel stuck. We hear things like, “I don’t have the money right now so I’m stuck”, “I can’t feel happy and joyful and grateful when I’m at a job that I dislike, so I’m stuck”, etc…
On it goes, where you’re putting the locus of power outside of you – in people, places, things, and conditions, even putting it in your current mental-emotional patterns – as if the current energy level, emotional pattern, or mental pattern is power over you: “I can’t write today because I’m uninspired”, “I don’t have the energy to exercise, so I’m stuck”.
At whatever point you feel stuck, there’s always something you can do to get the energy flowing in the direction that you want to be going. Whether it’s taking some action, having a conversation, acting regardless of how you feel, or doing some prayer or meditation around it, you can always do something.
Begin to activate the qualities of what it is you want to do or who you want to be. You are a Divine power plant – and a power plant doesn’t receive energy, it generates it. So, you don’t wait for inspiration, you generate it. How? By acting like a person who is inspired. You want to act from the point of knowing that you are the source of it, and then it generates.
Feeling stuck is an opportunity to discover just how powerful you are, how resourceful you are, and to develop your own wings so that you can fly into a much larger reality.
Listen to the audio to receive quantum healing around getting unstuck in any area of your own life – no matter what
How to Get Unstuck No Matter What Welcome to Emergence, a revolutionary path for radical life change. This is Derek Rydall, the founder of the Law of Emergence, author of the best-selling book, Emergence, and your guide on the side for this powerful journey of awakening into our full potential through this model of Emergence, which is in many cases the complete reversal of so many of the ways weve learned that life operates. Its not something I made up. This is the perennial truth teaching. This is what all the great masters taught, even though its been often misunderstood and misinterpreted, that is the fundamental premise that everything you could ever want, hope or desire, or need is within you. Therefore, the world has nothing to give you, and the world cant take anything away. The world is a mirror, a canvas, and a feedback system. You are the dispenser of the Divine gifts of the Universe. You have come as a portal, an opening, an instrument of all of infinite good, here to shine it in the unique and unprecedented way. The more and more you realize this, the more you are freed from being a victim, the more you are freed from being at the whim of anything or anyone outside of you. You become a true catalyst for transformation, a powerful leader in whatever area you endeavor.
So, what were talking about in this particular session is how to get unstuck no matter what. This isnt so much about all the different specific things you can do in specific situations, like youre stuck on the side of the road, how do you get out of that? Youre stuck writing your book, how do you get out of that? Its more first and foremost a philosophical shift in understanding that stuckness is a state of mind. Its an illusion. Nowhere in the Universe is anything stuck. Energy is always moving, always flowing. Even when its stuck, its moving. Its just moving in a very constricted spot. The other thing is that no matter what situation youre in, the reason why we think were stuck– and I want you to follow along with the situation that you may be feeling stuck in. The reason we feel stuck is that we have (A) an expectation of what the outcome should look like, (B) an expectation of what we should be like, of what we should be able to do or be, or have, or create in that moment or under those circumstances.
We have some expectation. Because things arent appearing like that, were feeling stuck or afraid, or were not able to take action. Because of that expectation, or because of the false perception that we think that something or someone outside of us has to change in order for us to do, be, have, create or contribute in the way that we want; therefore, were waiting for that thing to change, and so we feel stuck. I dont have the money right now to do whatever, and so Im stuck. Im in a relationship, and this person pays all my bills, so Im stuck in this relationship. Im at a job that I hate, but I need to make a living, so Im stuck. I cant feel happy and joyful and grateful when Im at a job that I hate, so Im stuck. On and on it goes, where were putting the locus of power outside of us in people, places, things, and conditions, even putting it in our current mental emotional patterns. Well, I just feel depressed, so Im stuck. I just dont feel inspired, so Im stuck. I cant write today or do whatever my creative action is. I dont have the energy in my body, so Im stuck. I cant exercise today – as if the current energy level or emotional pattern, or mental pattern is power over us.
When you really step back and realize the thoughts, the feelings, and the sensations – all of that is part of the content of your consciousness. You, the witness, are the only point of power. Your thoughts arent power. Your feelings arent power, not even your body is a power. You, the Divine consciousness, the I am’ that you are, is the only point of power onto your life. As it says in some of the ancient scriptures, Youve been given dominion over everything. The I that you are, the witness, is the point of infinitepower and infinite resource. Theres never a lack of resource, theres only a lack of resourcefulness. If you look at the word resourceful, it means to be full of source again, to be resourced, reconnected to source. It doesnt mean to go out and get more stuff. So, no matter how many resources appear to be lacking outside of you, or even inside of you, because all thats just content, you have the power to be resourceful at any moment you choose.
As it says in the Bible that Gods manna falls fresh from heavy every day, and metaphysically or esoterically speaking, that means that the substance of life falls fresh over and over and over in this moment. It talks about if you try to hold on to it, it will rot in your hands. If you try to save it for tomorrow, it will rot, and you wont be able to eat it. So, always in this moment, there is fresh manna, fresh supply, fresh insight, fresh energy, but you have to reclaim dominion. You have to look at the thoughts and the patterns that you bought into, that this thought or this emotion or this body, or this person, or this condition, or this economy, or this job, or this family has to change before I can be unstuck. That is fundamentally false. In any moment, you can choose again. In any moment, you can start moving your attention, which moves your energy. Energy flows where your attention goes. Remember, from the Emergence model, if youre waiting on anything or anyone, whatever youre waiting for, youre waiting with and youre weighing it down. So, as I say, this is the ultimate wait loss program.
Just look at an area right now where you feel youre stuck. Ill give you some examples. For example, if you feel like you really want to write that book, but youre stuck because you dont know what to write about, then you want to ask the question, What could I do to move towards this vision? If you do the Night Pages where its talking about what I have, what I have accomplished, what I can do, what Im grateful for, and thats to begin to reverse the condition where we tend to look at life and say – Why dont I have? What havent I done? Why cant I do and whats missing for my life and therefore Im ungrateful and unhappy about. That becomes a habit from a place of survival, but you can reverse that. When you find yourself going, Well, I dont have this ability or this resource right now; I dont know what to write about, in the example of the book, you can say, Well, what do I know? What could I do? Sincerely ask that, and you might begin to hear – What I could research? How to come up with good ideas for a book? I could journal about what matters to me most, or I could take something Im interested in and just start free writing about it now. I dont have inspiration. Okay. So, remember you are a Divine power plant. A power plant doesnt receive energy, it generates it. So, you dont wait for inspiration, you generate it. How? By acting like a person whos inspired.
Same with if you dont feel like you have the energy to go exercise. You dont wait for energy. You go exercise, and you activate the energy, because its infinite, but it must be activated obviously, because if all of infinite energy was just to manifest within you it would completely annihilate you. It would annihilate all sense of your personality structures, right? It will annihilate the entire universe around you, too, right? It will just destroy everything. The energy has to unfold. It has to emerge. The governor on that, or the mechanism for that, is your activation of it based on your attention. So, youre never waiting for energy or inspiration. You are acting from the point of knowing you are the source of it, and then it generates.
So, maybe youre feeling like, Well, I cant even come up with an idea for the book, so just keep stepping it back. I cant write because Im just not inspired. I dont have any ideas. Okay. So, you ask, What do I have or what could I do? Youre like, Well, I cant even come up with an idea for the book. Im still stuck. Im even more stuck now. Then, I could say, Well, just start writing. You go, Oh, myhand is paralyzed. Im just giving you the worst case scenario. I cant even write. I cant even move and lift my hand. Im stuck. Okay, What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? You keep asking. You start to go, well, I could visualize the life of my dreams as a published writer, writing, publish, impacting people. I could spend the next 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes really getting into that vision and really feeling it, really seeing myself writing in the books, piling up impact in the world and the financial remuneration and whatever. Now, you notice whats happening? Youre not feeling stuck. Youre starting to feel inspired. Youre starting to feel juices flowing, and maybe you even get inspired with an idea of what to write. You could be in that visualization, take it to the end, and then look down and see, What are the kinds of books Ive written? You might notice a title or an idea popped in, and suddenly youre off to the races.
The point is at whatever point you feel stuck, theres always something you can do to get the energy flowing in the direction that you want to be going, whether its taking some action, whether its having a conversation, whether its acting regardless of how you feel, which is very, very critical, whether its imagining it, whether its doing some prayer or meditation around it. You can always do something. Youre in a relationship, and you feel like my story where I felt completely stuck at my waiters job. I needed the money. I thought I needed the job. I thought there was no other better job that I could have found at that time. The place was making me miserable and all. I thought it was making me miserable. On and on and on, I just felt so stuck, but as I begin to ask, what can I do, I begin to realize, well, I can begin to cultivate the feelings and the sense of if I was living my ideal life and my ideal dream job. I can start to activate those feelings in me through the various tools that we teach.
As I begin to do that, I begin to feel a little better, and I thought what else can I do? I can begin to show up and be more like the person I really want to be regardless of the situation. I can be more loving, more kind, more generous, more of service, more excellent. I begin to do that, and I was like, Wow! Look at that. I can do that. I began to feel even better, and I thought, I can begin to really look at myself and take responsibility for all the places Im blaming or projecting.I begin to do that and I begin to feel more empowered, and then I got fired, and I came back, and I did it again, and I got fired. I came back, and I did it again. What it was is every time I felt like I was up against the wall, I felt like I was stuck, I went back to: What can I do so that I can show up more fully for my life, and I begin to activate the feelings, the being, take a more productive action, be more the person I really wanted to be, do the inner healing work and step by step, I grew so big that that place could no longer hold me. So, I came from a place where I felt completely stuck to outgrowing it into a whole new world of possibilities.
Its like the example of the chicken and the egg. The chicken eventually grows to a point where its completely run out of room. It’s cramped and stuck in a small egg shell, nowhere to go, no way out, or so it seems. It runs out of food, so now it’s hungry, and theres nowhere to get more resources, or so it seems, and then it’s surrounded by its own waste matter. So, it smells, it stinks, it’s hungry and it’s cramped. It’s completely stuck. Now, to that self-consciousness like some of us, you might have started to complain, Oh, God, why have you forsaken me? Why did my parents abandon me? Why did they put me to such terrible situation? Whats my karma, my past life, my astrology, my numerology, picture-ology? It would have spun around and around, exhausted itself, eventually given out and maybe even died, but instead, what did that chicken do, that little baby chick? It starts to focus on where might there be some nourishment? It goes on a journey of searching for whatever little bit of nourishment there is. It doesnt focus on whats missing. It focuses on what is. It begins to find a little nourishment there, a little nourishment there, enough to get it by.
As its doing that, its also pecking, because thats how it looks for nourishment. As its pecking, its strengthening its neck muscles and its lung muscles. Its cracking the shell until eventually it sets free into a much larger life, and its no longer stuck. Because sometimes when were stuck, we just wish and pray that somebody would come and save us – God or a family member or a partner or whoever. If that chicken was just saved, somebody just cracked it open and let it free, Oh, you poor thing, youre so stuck,it would have died, because it wouldnt have gone through the transformational trial to build the strength and the muscles and its lungs and wings to survive in a larger world. The same is true for you. Where youre feeling stuck, not only that youre now stuck, but its an opportunity to discover just how powerful you are, how resourceful you and to develop your own wings so that you can fly into a much larger reality.
So, this is your invitation, this is your challenge to look at that area where youre feeling stuck and go to this process and discover how you can begin to get yourself unstuck. Start to make a game of it, start to look for other places where you feel stuck, and do this process and get unstuck. Please come share your insights, your breakthroughs, even your miracles in our Facebook page. If you want more tools to support you, go to derekrydall.com and go to the blog and get free tools there as well and the latest show notes for the podcasts. You can also, if you havent already done so, register for this podcast on iTunes so that you make sure you get them while theyre hot and not miss any of them and not lose out on all the archives before we archive them. So, go ahead and do that now. Please leave a review and share it with a friend if you think it can help. Thank you so much for being here and being part of this community of Emergineers. Until next time. Remember to live authentically, love unconditionally and follow your destiny.
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This is a really important concept to contemplate and to consider in your life. So many people are out there trying to do good, but they’re doing it from a consciousness of fear, of separation, or projection, instead of from the space of wholeness.
It’s like an unhealed healer or an angry activist.
This is the key here. On some level early on in their life, they’ve been wounded.
That core wound really is a core initiation, and it really is pointing them in the direction of where they are meant to get stronger and ultimately make an impact in their life or in the greater world.
For example, let’s say you were abused as a child, and you grow up having such pain around any form of violence or abuse. Your reaction to it is anger, sadness, bitterness, contempt towards those that perpetrate it, and you have very little, to no, compassion for those that are so caught in their own darkness that they would perpetrate such violence.
You’re still the wounded little child that now just perhaps inhabits an adult body. In all kinds of ways, it’s made you feel like a victim, and perhaps you’ve then put a mask on top of that, because, in many cases, the last thing an abused person wants to admit is that they’re a victim. You might put a mask on top of that to try to act independent and to be strong. You might have tried to compensate by building up these superstructures of your ego that made you actually more separate from others, more distant, more arrogant, elitist, self-righteous, any or all of these qualities.
When we embrace these parts of us that we’re projecting outside of us (the “bad capitalist”, the “bad politician”, the “bad lawyers”, the “bad perpetrators” …or even just in our own family, “the bad parents”, etc.), when we embrace those things within ourselves, now we have real wisdom. We have real power, and we are a healing agency as we move back out into the world.
If we don’t embrace those, we often are driven to try to stamp out or get rid of those things in the world, whether it’s in our family, in our business, or in the larger global culture, and we become a do-gooder. We enact movements and strategies and practices or legislature, laws, and we wonder why we’ve been doing that over and over again and it doesn’t change things.
When you look at where real change starts to happen, real evolution, real growth, it’s because someone somewhere caught this vision, and they became less focused on the problem and more focused on the vision. They stopped merely trying to save the world, and decided to start serving the emerging possibility, the emerging vision, and they worked on themselves. It’s the difference between a Malcolm X before his transition, and a Martin Luther King, Jr.
Look at that and notice where you’re fighting and resisting – being do-gooders – and where you’re actually creating more pain and more problems in your wake, if not for others, then for yourself. You want to take full responsibility for your emotions, your pain, and your projections, and recognize that real transformation is not about setting things right, but about seeing things rightly.
It is the consciousness of wholeness that heals, and when you can see through the appearance of the victims and the victimizers to the truth, to the true principle – the true vision of possibility -then both victim and victimizer are healed and become servants of this higher possibility.
That’s the work of a good-doer. A good doer is one that’s taking responsibility, that’s doing the work within themselves first and foremost, and then as they are transformed, step into that vision, bringing that power and new wisdom. They’re not going out there trying to save the poor, because if you see poor people you’re just being a do-gooder, and you are actually keeping them stuck in a box of poverty.
If you are seeing a problem and resonating with the problem, you’re a do-gooder. If you’re trying to do something good, but resonating with the problem, and you’re adding fuel to the problem. That’s why Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem at the level of thinking that created it.” You have to rise to a higher level than the problem. You have to rise to the level of the potential. You have to not be a problem solver, but a vision holder.
Martin Luther King, Jr. certainly named the problems, but he didn’t get on the Washington Mount and say, I have a dream today everybody is terrible, and us people of color need to rise up and stop all those bad people, white people. He didn’t say, I have a big problem today. No. He said, “I have a dream. I’ve been to the mountaintop. I’ve seen the Promised Land. I know what’s possible. I know what we’re capable of.” That was where the fire was.
Whatever your endeavor, your mission, your purpose, the ways you want to make a difference in your life, your family’s, your children’s, and the world, don’t be a do-gooder. Be a good doer. Take responsibility for your feelings, your pain, your projections, and your judgments. Own them. Heal them. Integrate them.
See beyond the appearances to the truth of potential. Capture a vision and create a way of life that causes you to come into ever greater vibrational alignment with that vision, so that you can rejoice in the midst of sorrow. You can bring power in the midst of disempowerment. You can carry a consciousness of wealth and abundance and all things possible to the appearance of poverty.
In order to move from being a do-gooder to a good doer is to see people or situations where they’re truly meant to be, not where they are or less than they really are. Meet them where they are and love them where they are, but then lift them to that place of wholeness.
To support you in mastering this, listen to the in-depth podcast on the subject, where we break it down and put it into real-life practice TODAY. This will be a real game-changer.
To Your Emergence!
[The following is the full transcript of this episode of the Emergence, A Revolutionary Path for Radical Life Change, with Derek Rydall Podcast]
Welcome to Emergence. This is Derek Rydall here, the founder of the Law of Emergence and author of the bestselling book, Emergence. It’s just great to have you here again in this journey of ever expanding, never ending unfoldment of your genius potential, because life is infinite, and you can never express all of it. No matter how good it is, there’s always more to come, and no matter how bad it is, there’s always more good to come. Your potential always trumps your problems. Now, that’s not what I’m here to talk about today in general, but it’s just a good reminder. What we’re talking about today is are you a do-gooder, or a good doer? This is a really important concept to contemplate and to consider and to really look at your life. Now, in the most basic sense, I’ve said before that there’s nothing worse than an unhealed healer, or an angry activist. So many people are out there trying to do good, but they’re doing it from a consciousness of fear, of separation, of projection. This is the key here. They’ve been wounded on some level early on in their life.
By the way, that core wound really is a core initiation, and it really is pointing them in the direction of where they are meant to get stronger and ultimately make an impact in their life or in the greater world. For example, let’s say you were abused as a child, and you grow up just having such pain around any form of violence or abuse, whether it’s animals, children, women, etc. All of which are horrible, let’s be clear, but your reaction to it is anger, sadness, bitterness, contempt towards those that perpetrate it, and you have very little, to no, compassion for those that are so caught in their own darkness that they would perpetrate such violence. You’re still the wounded little child that know just perhaps inhabits an adult body. In all kinds of ways, it’s made you feel like a victim, and perhaps you’ve then put a mask on top of that, because the last thing an abused person wants to admit is that they’re a victim, in many cases. So you might put a mask on top of that to try to act independent and to be strong. You might have tried to compensate by building up these superstructures of your ego that made you actually more separate from others, more distant, more arrogant, elitist, self-righteous, all of these qualities.
Now, you could have gone the other way. You could have shrunk and become invisible, but either one of those is that you have not yet addressed the core wound and the core shadow, and you haven’t integrated it. I once knew an individual, a client that I worked with, that had been sexually abused, and didn’t even fully realize that that had gone on, but had a very hard time hearing about or watching any kind of TV program, movie, even a commercial, that had any level of violence or any kind of inhumanity to animals or children, even like starving children, any of that. She didn’t understand why. It was almost unbearable, until we uncovered the whole issue and story of abuse, and as we delved deeply into that work, what I had an inspiration to invite her to do, because the typical way is to embrace the abused child and love them and all of that, which is good and important, but what we often miss is the shadow side of it, which is the abuser.
In this case, the predator, that was the shadow that emerged for her was the predator. When I first said, you need to embrace and fall in love with the predator, of course, that sounded crazy and even dangerous and scary, but as she began to work with that I remember one day she came back, and she was so alive, so full of life, so full of light and energy and power. I said, What happened?She’s like, I’ve met the predator. I’ve embraced the predator. I love my inner predator. I was like, Tell me more.She said, As I began to really understand the predator within me and integrate it instead of rejecting and judging it, it activated a level of power. She said, Now I can see the way a predator sees, and it was not like a predator like a bad person out there that’s going to prey on other people. It was like in nature there are predators that are largely predators on the food chain, and those are more like the prey. Everybody is a predator to some level of prey, even if all you’re doing is eating the grass. That grass is your prey. We’re talking about the obvious predators, the lion, the tiger, etc. That’s not bad. It’s not bad to be a predator in the natural order of things.
So when she got that, and she embraced that, and she integrated and healed that judgment and that fear, she was able to see and access the power and the potential of the predator, and what that gave her was a level of security and safety and knowledge that she could not become the prey anymore. Now that she had embraced her inner predator she could sense where people were and what situations were. She had like that sixth sense. It was like a superpower, that we all have, but she knew now that she could no longer be the prey and that nobody in her environment would ever be able to be prey either, because she could see it. She could sense it, and she could cut it off at the pass, and she could speak to it with power. She became free, and she was able to watch things, if she wanted to. It wasn’t like she wanted to watch stuff with violence, but it didn’t make her paralyzed anymore. She had reowned this powerful part of her, and she also began to have a level of compassion and understanding for people that do that.
Victims often becomes victimizers. If they don’t victimize others, they just victimize themselves. The energy turns inward. So the wounded often end up wounding, rewounding themselves or others. That’s just the natural thing until it’s healed, until it’s embraced, but most of what we’ve learned to try to solve our problems is by looking outside of us, or by trying to deny or avoid the dark scary parts of us and just fill it with more light, cover it over with an affirmation. It doesn’t work. Just try to kill and destroy the enemy, just destroy and put behind bars all the bad people. How’s that working for us? At least in the United States, I think we have more prisoners than all the Western industrialized countries combined. Is the crime level that dramatically down? So it doesn’t work. You can’t kill the enemy, because the enemy is not outside of there. This is what Jesus meant when he said, The enemy is in your own household,and then he said, Love your enemy.
When we embrace these parts of us that we’re projecting outside of us, the bad capitalist, the bad politician, the bad lawyers, the bad terrorists, the bad perpetrators, or even just in our own family, the bad parents, etc. when we embrace those things within ourselves, now we have real wisdom. We have real power, and we are a healing agency as we move back out into the world. If we don’t embrace those, we often are driven to try to stamp out or get rid of those things in the world, whether it’s in our family, in our business, or in the larger global culture, and we become a do-gooder. We enact movements and strategies and practices or legislature, laws, and we wonder why we’ve been doing that over and over and over again and it doesn’t change things. When you look at where does real change start to change, real evolution, real growth, it’s because someone somewhere caught this vision, and they became less focused on the problem and more focused on the vision. They stepped merely trying to save the world, and they decided to start serving the emerging possibility, the emerging vision, and they worked on themselves. It’s the difference between a Malcolm X before his transition, his transformation, and a Martin Luther King, Jr.
This is what we must do. We must look at that and notice where we’re fighting and resisting and being do-gooders, and where we’re actually creating more pain and more problems in our wake, if not for others, then for ourselves. Instead, we want to take full responsibility for our emotions, for our pain, for our projections, and recognize that real transformation is not about setting things right, but about seeing things rightly. It is the consciousness of wholeness that heals, and when you can see through the appearance of the victims and the victimizers to the truth, to the true principle to the true vision of possibility, then both victim and victimizer are healed and become servants of this higher possibility.
That’s the work of a good doer. A good doer is one that’s taking responsibility, that’s doing the work within themselves first and foremost, and then as they are transformed, they are now stepping into that vision and bringing that power and that new wisdom. So they’re not going out there trying to save the poor, because if you see poor people you’re just being a do-gooder, and you are actually keeping them stuck in a box of poverty. The test they did, the study they did, where they took teachers and gave three teachers three samples of students, and all the students were from the same pool, same sampling. Just average students. They told one teacher, these are average; one teacher, these are above average; and one teacher, these are below average. At the end of a period of time, they retested everybody. The ones that the teachers believed were just average tested pretty much average, just like the sample. That was the control group. The ones that the teacher believed they were below average, they tested below the sample, below the control group, even though they were still from the same sample. The ones that they believed were above average tested some of the highest scores in the district. What was the difference? It wasn’t like one of the teachers had worse skills than the other, or one of the teachers was worse than the other, or one of the teachers had better intentions. No. It was how they saw the students, the container they held them in. The container they held them in determined whether they would rise to fill it or shrink to fit it.
The same is true when we are going out into the world, whether it’s as parents dealing with our children or trying to help our friends and our family members, or trying to help the larger collective. If we are seeing a problem and resonating with the problem, we’re a do-gooder. If we’re trying to do something good, but we’re resonating with the problem, we’re a do-gooder, and we’re adding fuel to the problem. That’s why Einstein said, You cannot solve a problem at the level of thinking that created it. You have to rise to a higher level than the problem. You have to rise to the level of the potential. You have to not be a problem solver, but a vision holder. Martin Luther King, Jr. certainly named the problems, but he didn’t get on the Washington Mount and say, I have a dream today everybody is terrible, and us people of color need to rise up and stop all those bad people, white people. He didn’t say, I have a big problem today. No. He said, I have a dream. I’ve been to the mountaintop. I’ve seen the Promised Land. I know what’s possible. I know what we’re capable of. That was where the fire was.
Again, it doesn’t mean you don’t name the problem. A problem properly diagnosed is half solved. You definitely can recognize that there’s a problem here, that there’s an issue here, but then your work, if you’re going to be a good doer and not just a do-gooder, is to do the inner work so that what you’re seeing, what you’re resonating with, what you’re valuing, what you’re standing for and working on the behalf of, is a solution, is a vision. I think it was Mother Teresa that said, when she had been asked to march in anti-war rallies, she said, No. I won’t march in an anti-war rally, but if you put on a pro-peace rally I’ll be there. We ultimately don’t want to be against anything, because what you fight, you fuel. What you resist, persists. What you are against, you give energy, and you make it more real. Again, you identify the fact that there’s poverty there or that there’s lack there, that there’s abuse there, that there’s war or a problem with your child, whatever the case may be. You don’t put your head in the sand. You see things as they are, but not worse than they are, and then you see them as they really are meant to be. That’s vision. That’s what you work on embodying. So that you are now a light in thatdarkness. If you’re merely being a do-gooder and seeing the problem and resonating with the problem, you’ve just gotten down in the ditch with the people, and you’re of no earthly good to them. You’re not a light. You’re just more of the darkness. Can you see that?
That’s my charge to you. Whatever your endeavor, your mission, your purpose, the ways you want to make a difference in your life, your family’s, your children’s, and the world, don’t be a do-gooder. Be a good doer. Take responsibility for your feelings, your pain, your projections, your judgments. Own them. Heal them. Integrate them. See beyond the appearances to the truth of potential. Capture a vision and create a way of life that causes you to come into ever greater vibrational alignment with that vision, so that you can rejoice in the midst of sorrow. You can bring power in the midst of disempowerment. You can carry a consciousness of wealth and abundance and all things possible to the appearance of poverty, and you don’t speak to people that are experiencing poverty as being poor victims. You speak to them like the teacher that believed these were the highest ranking students in the thing. You speak to them in terms of their capacity, their potential, that they are just as abundant and powerful and capable as anybody.
That doesn’t mean you don’t feed them. That doesn’t mean you don’t cloth them. That doesn’t mean you don’t meet them where they are and have compassion. I’m not saying go to people that are suffering and say, You’re not suffering; you’re perfect. No. That would be abusive. That would be mean. That would be uncompassionate. You can definitely recognize; I see that you’re suffering. How can I help alleviate your suffering? If they’re hungry, you feed them first. Then you begin to lift them up. Jesus didn’t just walk around telling everybody the truth principles. He healed them. He fed them. Then he preached. He didn’t preach to them and say, you poor things. He said, Ye are gods and greater things than these shall you do. Do you know who you are? You are the light of the world. Same with Buddha. Same with all the great masters. We do not allow ourselves to see people as less than they really are. We meet them where they are. We love them where they are, but then we lift them and see them where they’re truly meant to be. That moves us from being a do-gooder and makes you a real good doer.
I hope this has served you. Go out and do some good. Start with yourself and extend it to the world. I hope you’ve enjoyed this. If you found value in it, please share it with a friend, a loved one, a colleague. Make sure to register on iTunes for the Emergence podcast, so that you don’t miss an episode. If you want to get even more valuable training, you can go to DerekRydall.com. Go the free resource section, download the free trainings and audios. If you don’t have my book yet, my bestselling book, Emergence, please go to GetEmergenceBook.com and grab your copy, along with the bonuses. It’s just such an honor and pleasure to serve you, and until next time, remember to live authentically, love unconditionally, and follow your destiny.
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As you begin to grow in this awareness of the Emergence principles and how life really operates, you start to discover that what you do in and of itself is not going to determine the outcomes you get.
Ultimately, as the old metaphysical axiom says, to he or she who is right in mind they can do all the wrong things, and it will often still turn out right, but to he or she who is wrong in mind they can do all the right things, and it will still turn out wrong. We see that even as Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem at the level of thinking that created it.”
We understand in metaphysics and quantum physics, that the frequency or the vibration that you’re at is what actually determines the outcome. The good that you want, the answer, the solution, the opportunity, the abundance, etc. it’s already here. Much like you are inundated with radio broadcasts right now, and in the midst of those broadcast somewhere your favorite music is playing, but it’s not yet a manifest part of your experience. When you tune the dial of your frequency so that that receiver or frequency matches the frequency where that music is playing, that station becomes manifest. You have what I like to say a manifest-station. The music was already happening, but you had to make it welcome. You had to dial into that same frequency. The distance between you and your music is a distance in frequency.
The same is true for your solutions. For whatever challenge you face, the solution is a reality that already exists, but it exists at a higher or different frequency than the frequency of the problem.
Problem, when you understand it means emblem – it’s a symbol. A problem or challenge is a symbol of a state of consciousness, a particular frequency, and you can never solve a problem, any more than you can solve a frequency.
If you’re turned into station K-LACK, and it’s playing the blues all day, or it’s gossiping and complaining and talking about all this negative stuff in the world, making you feel horrible, that’s a problem. You can’t solve that problem at that frequency. You can’t solve that frequency. That’s what’s playing on that station. So, how do you solve it? You have to tune up the dial to station K-RICH, to a higher frequency.
When you tune out of K-LACK into K-RICH, the problems you are experiencing on K-LACK they’re no longer there! That particular music becomes unmanifest. It goes back into the invisible, inaudible state that it was to begin with, and the music that you really want to hear, that beat of abundance, that symphony of success, now becomes manifest. It becomes a part of your experience.
So a problem cannot be solved. It exists. It’s a frequency. Just like ice cannot be solved at the level of temperature where ice exists; 32 degrees Fahrenheit or below, you have ice. No matter what you do to get rid of that problem, you’ll still have the problem if you’re still living at 32 degrees. You can pour hot water on it, but what’s going to happen? It’s going to become more ice. You can chip it away. What’s going to happen? Condensation will produce more ice.
That’s why so many of our attempts to solve problems individually, or in a community, in the government, a corporation or a culture, etc., don’t often work, because we are still at the same frequency, and just moving things around at that level.
We’re reorganizing the people, places, and conditions, but it’s still coming from that level of thinking, from that perception of lack, limitation, fear, or separation. We may try to cover over all of that by controlling or manipulating more, by adding more on top of it, or by having stricter rules… All of that is this substructure of coping, survival, and defense mechanisms we put on top off this vibration or frequency that’s creating the problem. What we find is that the same problem breaks out in new ways.
So how do you deal with it then? You must rise above that temperature. When you rise above 32 degrees, what happens to the ice? You don’t solve the ice – the ice dissolves.
When you tune to a higher frequency on the station you don’t solve the problem or change the station of K-LACK. That’s still broadcasting, but it dissolves out of your experience, and what manifests is that higher frequency you’re now tuned into. That’s also why Einstein said, “Arrows of hate have been shot in my direction many times, but they no longer can touch me or hurt me, because they come from a world I no longer inhabit.”
[bctt tweet=”Problems aren’t solved; they dissolve as you evolve.” username=”derekrydall”]
At the vibration of love, hatred doesn’t exist. It’s not that love solves hatred. It’s that hatred is an expression. You can’t solve hatred at the level of hatred, which is why two wrongs don’t make a right. It’s also why you can’t fight fire with fire (except in the forest, which actually in that case fire works.) The key is that that’s why so many of our attempts to go to war and try to crush terrorism doesn’t work, because we’re still operating, in many cases, at the same level of the problem. What you resist persists, what you fight you fuel.
So, to move into the solution state of mind, you must understand that all solutions exist outside of the frequency or circle of the problem, and you want to, as quickly and easily as possible, move yourself into the frequency of the solution. You want to bring yourself back into a congruent, receptive solution state of mind. That’s where the answers are, where evolution, real healing and growth happens.
To support you in mastering this, listen to the in-depth podcast on the subject, where we break it down and put it into real-life practice TODAY. This will be a real game-changer.
To Your Emergence!
[The following is the full transcript of this episode of the Emergence, A Revolutionary Path for Radical Life Change, with Derek Rydall Podcast]
Welcome to Emergence, this is Derek Rydall, your guide on the side instead of the sage on the stage, author of the bestselling book Emergence, and founder of the process the Law of Emergence. It’s just so great to have you here, as we take another deep dive on this journey of engineering the full emergence of our life, our potential, and our deeper purpose. Today we’re talking about the solution state of mind, and this is really a powerful thing to understand, because, as you begin to grow in this awareness of these principles and how life really operates, we start to discover that what we do, although it’s very important to take action, it’s an extension of consciousness, it’s a dimension of consciousness, that was we do in and of itself is not going to determine the outcomes we get. Ultimately, as the old metaphysical axiom says, to he or she who is right in mind they can do all the wrong things, and it will often still turn out right, but to he or she who is wrong in mind they can do all the right things, and it will still turn out wrong. We see that even as Einstein said, You cannot solve a problem at the level of thinking that created it.
We understand in metaphysics, quantum physics, that the frequency or the vibration that you’re at, that’s actually what’s determining the outcome. I’ve used the analogy often that it’s already happening. The good that you want, the answer, the solution, the opportunity, the abundance, etc. it’s already here. Much like you are inundated with radio broadcasts right now, and in the midst of those broadcast somewhere your favorite music is playing, but it’s not yet a manifest part of your experience. When you tune the dial of your frequency so that that receiver or frequency matches the frequency where that music is playing, that station becomes manifest. You have what I like to say a manifest station. Now, where was the music before you tuned into it? It wasn’t in the distance. You didn’t have to take your radio and run down the street and catch it. It wasn’t in the future. You didn’t have to sit there and wait for it to show up, and when you tuned into that station you didn’t have to make the music happen. The music was already happening, but you had to make it welcome. You had to dial into that same frequency. The distance between you and your music is a distance in frequency.
The same is true for your solutions. For whatever challenge you face, the solution is a reality that already exists, but it exists, hear this, at a higher or different frequency than the frequency of the problem. Problem, when you understand it means emblem, it’s a symbol. A problem, a challenge, is a symbol of a state of consciousness, a particular frequency, and you can never solve a problem, any more than you can solve a frequency. Right? I mean, that’s just a frequency. If you’re turned into station K-LACK, and it’s playing the blues all day, and it’s gossiping and complaining and talking about all this negative stuff in the world, and it’s making you feel horrible, that’s a problem. You can’t solve that problem at that frequency. You can’t solve that frequency. That’s what’s playing on that station. So how do you solve it? You have to tune up the dial to station K-RICH, to a higher frequency. When you tune out of K-LACK into K-RICH the problems you are experiencing on K-LACK they’re no longer there, right? That particular music becomes unmanifest. It goes back into the invisible, inaudible state that it was to begin with, and the music that you really want to hear, that beat of abundance, that symphony of success, now that you’re tuned into that, it becomes manifest. It becomes a part of your experience.
So a problem cannot be solved. It exists. It’s a frequency. Just like ice cannot be solved at the level of temperature where ice exists. 32 degrees Fahrenheit or below, you have ice. No matter what you do to get rid of that problem, you’ll still have the problem if you’re still living at 32 degrees. You can pour hotwater on it. What’s going to happen? It’s going to become more ice. You can chip it away. What’s going to happen? Condensation will produce more ice. So no matter what you do you’ve always got the problem, the proclivity of the problem, the propensity of the problem, the worry, doubt, and fear of the problem, because you’re living at the level of the problem, at the frequency. As Einstein said, at the level of thinking that created it.That’s why so many of our attempts to solve problems individually, in a community, and in the world, in the government, etc., in a corporation or a culture, the reason why they don’t work often is we are still at the same frequency, at the same level, but we’re just moving things around. We’re reorganizing the people, places, and conditions, but it’s still coming from that level of thinking, from that perception of lack, limitation, fear, separation, whatever, and now we’re going to try to cover over all of that by controlling more, by manipulating more, by adding more on top of it, by having stricter rules. All of that is this substructure of coping, survival, and defense mechanisms we put on top off this vibration or frequency that’s creating the problem. What we find is that the same problem breaks out in new ways. It’s another reason why for the common prisoner the recidivism rate is so high. The problem itself hasn’t been solved, because it never can be.
So how do you deal with it then? You must rise above that temperature. When you rise above 32 degrees, what happens to the ice? You don’t solve the ice. The ice dissolves. When you tune to a higher frequency on the station you don’t solve the problem and actually change the station of K-LACK. That’s still broadcasting, but it dissolves out of your experience, and what manifests is that higher frequency you’re now tuned into. That’s also why Einstein said, Arrows of hate have been shot in my direction many times, but they no longer can touch me or hurt me, because they come from a world I no longer inhabit.At a frequency there are manifestations, condensations, coagulations, formations, and they exit at that frequency. At 32 degrees and below you have ice. At other degrees you have steam. You have gases. You have solids. You have different expressions at different levels. Right? That’s just the way it is. So you cannot solve it. The problems don’t get solved, they dissolve as you evolve. So the only way to solveour problems is to actually take our attention off the problem long enough to rise in conscious, vibration, or frequency to rise outside of the circumstance or the circle of the problem, and as we evolve the problems dissolve. They literally cannot exist at that new higher or different frequency. They cannot exist there. That’s not where they live. Ice doesn’t live at 50 degrees. It lives at 32 degrees and below. So if you start living at 50 degrees, you’re not going to have ice. You’re not going to have the problem of ice.
At the vibration of love, hatred doesn’t exist there. It’s not that love solves hatred. It’s that hatred is an expression. Now, I could go down the rabbit hole and explain to you that really hatred is actually on the spectrum of love, but let’s not go there right now. Rather to understand that hatred is an expression or manifestation or formation of a certain vibration or frequency. You can’t solve hatred at the level of hatred, which is why two wrongs don’t make a right. Which is why you can’t fight fire with fire, except in the forest, which actually in that case fire works, but, again, that’s a different physics issue. The key is that that’s why so many of our attempts to go to war and try to crush terrorism doesn’t work, because the actual problem, we’re still operating in many cases at that same level. We’re still killing and fighting and hating and having a justified reason for killing, fighting, and hating. There is no justification. Justifying it doesn’t change the frequency. In many cases it keeps you stuck at the lower frequency.
It’s also why when we’re trying to solve our own problems, our own challenges, but we’re stuck at the level of the problem, we are struggling to figure it out, to make it better, to improve it, to fix it, and we find that either it gets worse, which is often the case, or we solve what appears to be this problem of lack in one area, and it breaks out in another area. We finally solve our problem of lack, and we get a job, and then our plumbing goes wrong, and we have to use all that money we just made to pay for the plumbing. We finally solve our problem of not having enough and get a check for $500, and then our car breaks down, and it costs us $500. How many of you have experienced that? It’s because you’re just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. You’ve manipulated conditions. You’ve manipulated mentally, emotionally, and physically, but fundamentally you’re still living at the same level of consciousness, the same core pattern of your heart or mindset, which is then producing another version of that same frequency. Now it’s just showing up in your bank account, and then next month it shows up in your body, and next month is shows up at your business, and the next month it shows up in your relationship. You’re just rearranging, moving it from one place to the next, but the problem persists. Ultimately it tends to magnify and get worse. So how do you solve a problem? You have to rise above it. you have to get outside of it. I often use the analogy of a racecar driver. A racecar driver, they learn that when you’re spinning out of control towards a wall, which is the problem, if you focus on the problem, aka the wall, you’re going to hit it. It seems very counterintuitive. You feel like, I’ve got to look at that wall to make sure I don’t hit it, but if you do, you will, because the hands follow the eyes, and you turn right into it. So instead you’re trained to look away from the wall and to look towards the road, look towards the finish line, look towards the next turn. Look to where you want to go, not what you are spiraling out of control towards. Look to the solution, the opportunity, the vision, not towards the problem. Sometimes when you’re learning this the trainer that’s training you how to drive has to literally grab your head and force you to look, because everything in your instincts has been conditioned to focus on the problem, to focus on the wall. It feels utterly unnatural to not look at that wall, because otherwise you’re going to crash. Of course, again, the irony is if you do, you are going to crash.
So you look away, and as you look away your hands follow your eyes, and you start to turn out of the spin and pull out of the spin. Interestingly, even when you do that, depending on the momentum you’ve got in that spin, you’re still sliding towards the wall. You have to be aware of that, because you’re turning, you’re focusing on the solution, on the road, but you’re still sliding towards the problem, and there’s a great temptation. It’s a very precarious moment where you might go, it’s not working, it’s not working, and then you look back to the wall, and you get to observe as you crash into it. It takes a degree of courage, degree of trust, and ultimately discipline to become solution focused, not problemfocused, to be a vision holder, not a problem solver.
That doesn’t mean you aren’t aware of the challenge and the problem. It doesn’t mean you’re not aware that there’s a wall there. You are aware of it, but your focus, your attention is on the road, on the solution. So this moves us into a solution state of mind is where the solutions exist. I know that sounds obvious, but it’s not obviously seen or understood when we’re in the moment. Again, it seems counterintuitive to not focus on the problem. It seems from our defensive nature that if we take our eye off the problem it’s going to get us. It’s going to sneak attack us. It’s going to take advantage of us. That’s an old artifact of our evolution where we were trained to see the problems very quickly in any new environment. The rustling of the branches means there could be a sabretooth cat there, or particular elements left behind could show that there was an enemy encampment before, etc. So we’ve been trained and conditioned as a matter of survival, but what helped us survive as a human experiment is now the very mechanism that puts us on the brink of extinction. If not total human extinction, it stagnates us and keeps us stuck at the level we are in our own individual lives, our own individual businesses. So to move into the solution state of mind we have to understand that all solutions exist outside of the frequency or energy or circle of the problem, and that we want to as quickly and easily as possible move ourselves into the frequency of the solution. Again, I’m going to say that. What we want to do when we encounter a problem is instead of reacting to it and resisting it, what you resist persists, what you fight you fuel. If you fall into quicksand and you fight it, it pulls you down, and you die. If you are in a problem, and you wrestle it, fight it, resist it, it pulls you down. It anchors you to that energy of the problem and makes it more easy to get stuck there, and then most, if not all, of the things you try to do to solve it, first off all, we’ll most likely not solve it, but if it seems to temporarily create a solution it’s almost always a stopgap solution. The problem almost always returns, and in many cases it returns with even more velocity and more ferocity, because all of that resistance. Think of it like holding a beach ball underwater. You’re using all this energy now to hold the problem down and create this solution on top of it, and the minute you relax, that ball flies up and hits you in the face. You’ve all had that experience.
This is not a game of Whack-a-Mole. You just keep hitting the mole, and another one pops up, another one pops up. That’s not how to really solve problems. As Gandhi said, We must be or become the change we want to see in the world, and that includes our own individual world. So when you’re in a problem, you want to as soon as possible shift your awareness and attention to asking the question, not how do I solve the problem, but what is the change I want to see in the world? What’s the change I want to see in my world? Let’s say suddenly you get a bill, and it’s this huge bill, and you can’t afford it, or something like that. You get worried, or you get frustrated. You get angry. Then you try to make calls and complain. This isn’t right. There’s a mistake, or frantically try to scrounge up new opportunities or clients or whatever the case may be. You’re operating at the level of the problem, and energetically and vibrationally you’re tuning and staying tuned in, and even creating a preset on the dial of station K-LACK. Instead you want to go take a breath, and ask, what is the change I want to see in my life? You might immediately go, I want to see this bill paid, and that’s okay. That’s a start. Then go another step further. What is the change I would want to see and need to see in my life in order to pay the bill? Then you sense into that. What you hear is, I have more money. You keep asking, how much more money? If somebody gave you a dollar, that would be more money. How much more? Let’s say the bill is $500. I have at least an extra $1,000. You just sit with that, and you go, is that all the change I really want? What other real change is this challenge inviting me to open up to? As you breathe and sink into it, you kind of hear or feel, I really want to have a level of financial freedom. I don’t want to have to worry about money anymore. Notice that little subtle shift. I don’t want to have to worry about money. You’ve just turned your head back towards the wall again about what you don’t want. That’s the problem. So you go, but what do I want? I want to have enough that I can joyfully express my life, I can have more time with my family, or I can have more time to do creative stuff. Now you’re getting back to the solution. You’re turning back towards the road, towards the finish line.
I want to have enough money that I can spend time doing the things I really want, being with the people I really want, being the person I want to be. As you keep unpacking that, you ask specifying questions. If I got to be the person I wanted to be, who would that person be? As you sense into that, you hear, I’d want to be a person of peace. I’d want to have more joy. I want to be more playful, creative, spontaneous. Brilliant. Write that down. You go, who are the people you’d want to spend more time with? I want to spend more time with my kids, with my husband, with my friends. What would that look like? I would go on that vacation, or we would have a date night. You start to describe and articulate that. What else? I’d want to be doing more of the things that I really want to do with my heart and my art. What specifically? I really want to write that book, or paint that painting, or put on that art show, or start that business. Great. Write it all down.
Now stop for a minute and notice, what have you just discovered? This problem called this unexpected bill was really carrying a message. Your problems are your prophets. They’re bringing you a prophecy, a message of the vision that’s trying to unfold. So this problem is really trying to open you up to discover there’s a larger life that you’re being called to live, that you’re aching to live, that’s seeking to emerge, but all your coping mechanisms have kept you playing small. So now this problem shows up to crack you back open and say, there’s a bigger vision here. There’s a bigger possibility. Your heart has a deeper desire. You’re meant for more. You’re capable of more.
Now you articulate that vision, and even notice as you start to move your energy and think about the bigger vision and dwell on it and imagine it, how do you feel? When the bill came in you constricted. Your heart closed. Your mind clamped down. Your body felt constricted. As you start to move and ask these emergence questions, these solution focused questions, these vision based questions, you feel your heart start to open again, your mind start to expand, your body relax. Energetically, vibrationally, you’ve just moved up a few degrees. You’re maybe not at 32 anymore. Maybe you were at 10, and now you’re at 20. You might still be in the realm of ice, but you’re moving up the scale. You might not be on K-LACK anymore, but you might be still in static, but at least you’re not hearing the blues and all the gossip. It’s just static. It’s not entirely tuned into K-RICH yet, but it’s still an improvement. You follow? Now we take it the next step. Now you really feel into that vision. You give yourself the time to really visualize it, to really feel what it feels like to live that vision, to be that person, and then you do the visualization-vibration process, where you breathe into that energy, and as you exhale you let it expand to fill your body, and then breathe and exhale again and radiate it into your life, radiate it to this seemingly challenge, and just feel yourself as a radiant being of this energy. Now we move. We are now in what’s called a more receptive, available, congruent state of mind, and we can now ask the question, from this place, what am I called to do, to do more of, to do less of, or to do differently, to bring about a solution with ease and grace and dignity? From that place it’s like you’ve now tuned into a higher quality station, and there are higher quality answers. First of all, you don’t just merely receive the answer, but vibrationally you are now becoming the answer. From that place you might be inspired with an idea, a bit of guidance, direction. So that’s the next stage.
The first stage is you’ve hit the problem, breathe, turn your attention toward asking those solution based, vision based questions. Then as you do that you continue to ask specifying questions until you’ve unpacked a vision for your life, the change you want to see in the world, in your world, or beyond. Now you start to have a sense of a vision. You write it down, and then Step 3, you visualize. You use the angel of your imagination to activate the visionary vibration, to feel what it feels like to already be the answer, to be living the solution, and even beyond a mere solution. Notice, it’s no longer just pay the bill. It’s a vision of a life of so much more joy and abundance and possibility. That expands your energy, and then the fourth step you radiate it, really that’s still part of the third step. You radiate it. You fill yourself with it. The fourth step is you now ask from that new state of mind, that solution state, what activity, what am I called to do or not do, to do more of or less of or different, in order to bring about a solution to this with ease and with grace, even with peace and joy? Then you sit with that, and you allow it to bubble up.
At any point in this you might get snagged and pulled back, because you’re still sliding towards that wall to some extent, because the problem has not yet been solved. The temptation will be to get frustrated and go, I just got to solve this problem now, and you just turn back to the wall. When that happens, you breathe again. You come back. You breathe again. You turn your attention back to the road. You keep doing that and asking that question, and then journaling what comes up. Okay?
The fifth stage is you want to ultimately and eventually design a way of life so that this is where you live from on a regular basis. So you’re not just waiting for problems to activate this process, but you take the great vision of your life, and you start to design a way of life around that visionary vibration, around the qualities of feeling and being, and the proactive actions of doing. So that you are now thinking and feeling, walking and talking, in a way that is integrity with this larger vision. In other words, most of your attention is focused on the finish line and racing around that track, versus more and more of your attention focused on the wall that is always just out of your periphery that you could crash into any moment. Most of your attention is focused on the road, on the way, on the finish line, on the vision. That becomes the way of life, and you’re just going around and around and growing and winning the race of your life on a regular daily basis. That becomes a way of life, and if you want to have more in depth understanding of how to do that, I highly encourage you to check out the podcast in here that talks about the LIFT practice, which stands for Living In the Feeling Tone of your vision. That allows you to really take this to the next level.
There’s another level to which this is very valuable. If you’re a coach, a healer, a teacher, or a parent, even a friend of someone, when a friend or a child or a client comes to you, and they’re stuck in the problem, or a spouse, one of the worst things to do is immediately try to solve it and give them answers and solutions at that level. They’re not yet receptive or available or congruent. So instead what you want to begin to tease out of them in a subtle way is to move their attention toward a higher, more congruent, more quality state of being. So they might come to you, a child, like, That jerk Steve at school; he’s such a jerk. Maybe the child comes to you who’s had a fight with a sibling, Bobby is such a mean brother. I hate him.It’s like, What did Bobby do? Tell me what Bobby did, or What did that jerk at school do?You can’t judge people. Don’t talk about those people like that. All of those are adding fuel to the fire. It’s resistance, and they won’t be able to hear it, or they’ll just feel unseen, unheard, unloved, and they’ll rebel. Instead, you move them slowly, and sometimes creatively and dramatically, into being solution oriented or being receptive. You start with, Wow. You’re really upset, aren’t you? So now they feel seen or acknowledged. That’s a step towards them feeling a more positive feeling tone. Do you see that? Then you might say, Tell me what happened. That does bring them back into the problem, but it’s part of them feeling heard, which is like oxygen to a person who’s struggling. So you really listen. That must have been really hard or really scary, or that must really hurt you when they did that.Yeah. It really did. They kind of take a breath, and you’re like, Honey, I’m so sorry you experienced that. I’m so sorry you’re feeling that. You embrace them, or whatever seems appropriate that they’re available for, and now that’s the next level. Now they feel seen, they feel validated, they feel understood, heard, maybe even loved, and you’ll notice they start to calm down a little bit. They might even say, What do you think we should do about it?
Now, it depends on the situation, but let’s say they’re complaining. Let’s say your child comes to you, or a client, and they’re struggling with some issue, like Look at my report card. Look at, I got a C on there or a D, or I lost a client. I lost one of these people in my business, or I didn’t make enough money this month, or whatever the problem is. You might go, That’s really rough. That’s really hard. I really understand that. Then you might say, Tell me more about your business. You’re just expanding the conversation. They might be like, It’s this kind of a business. We do these kind of things.That’s really interesting. Remind me again, why are you doing this business? What is it about it you love?I mean, it’s my mission, my purpose, to help people or create this kind of product, or make this kind of difference.That’s beautiful. What really inspires you about that? Where did that come from?When I was a kid,or I see people suffering, and I just feel like I can make a difference.Have you made a difference sometimes? Tell me about some of the moments you have.Of course, I’ve got a lot of people that are happy clients.Tell me about it. When’s the last time you really felt like you made a positive difference?You just keep teasing it out. Tell me about what’s working in your business. Whatever. You begin to get their attention focused on, I mean, this is great, and I love this, and I’m passionate about this. You notice them start to breathe, start to relax, start to expand. You feel the energy. You’ve now put them in a more receptive solution state of mind. They are more congruent now energetically, emotionally, mentally, with the place they want to live in, with the place they want their life to go. Do you see? Then you can even go a little further and say, What would be your ultimate vision of this business or of your clientele? Now you extend them to even a grander vision and really get them pumped up and on fire with it. Now from that place you go, So from this place, notice how you’re feeling right now. What’s one thing you could do to grow your revenue this month, or to get a new client? Now from that more receptive place they’re actually more available to their innate wisdom, to their innate genius, to that perfect plan within them. You see that?
Same thing with a child. They’re focusing on that C or that D on their report card, and they’re beating themselves up, or they’re scared of what dad’s going to think, and you’re like, Tell me. Do you like that math class?No. I hate it. It sucks.What about these other classes? Do you like any of your classes?I really like art, or I really like English. I love reading.Tell me more about that. What do you love about that? I’d love to hear. They might resist. They might go, I don’t care about that. What am I going to do about this C?I totally agree. We’re going to figure that out, but I’m just really curious, because I’m trying to help see what else is going on in your school, because there might be a clue there for us to help you discover why that C happened. So I’d just love to know what class you love.I really love English.What do you love about it?I love reading.Tell me about something you’ve read lately that you really love.We just read Tom Sawyer, and Tom Sawyer is so cool. I wish I could be like Tom.Wouldn’t that be fun? How would you be in your life now if you could be more like Tom?I certainly wouldn’t let people tell me what to do, and I would really honor my vision, or I would create something or go on a great adventure.What kind of adventure would you like to go on?It’d be kind of cool if we could go on river trip or something.That would be really fun, wouldn’t it?
You start to get them excited, and then you can expand it. If you could bring this kind of adventurous spirit to your school, to your classes, what would you want to do?I don’t know. I’ve been thinking I’d like to do this or do that. You are growing their awareness of what’s possible. You’re making them connected, more congruent, and now you say, What do you think you could bring that we’ve been talking about, like this Tom Sawyer adventurous? How would Tom Sawyer think about this C on his report card? Tom Sawyer wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t let that C get him down.Tom does sound pretty cool.He’s really cool.So maybe that’s great place you could play and act like you’re Tom Sawyer, and not let it get you down. What else would Tom Sawyer do if he knew that he wanted to bring that grade up? It’s not that big of a deal, but what else might he do?Tom Sawyer would find some creative or adventurous way to deal with it, and on and on and on, until you help the child discover their more receptive congruent place, or the client, or the friend, etc.
Now, if it’s a spouse, a person that is truly your equal, or a friend, and you’re not their parent or authority, and their not your client, it’s a little different in the sense that you’re not teaching them. You’re not there to be their coach or their teacher. You’re there to be their friend or their lover. So you just want to be mindful of that. You can still ask questions that open up and really listen and let them express themselves and feel heard and seen and valued and loved, and sometimes that is enough. If you’re a man, and you’re talking to a woman, most of the time the woman doesn’t even want you to solve the problem. The woman just wants to feel heard and seen and held and loved. Then she’s fine, and she’ll go solve it. There might come a moment where she’s feeling better, she’s feeling loved, and you say, Is there anything else I can do to support you? Anything else you want to talk about to try to solve this? If not, that’s fine, but just want you to know I’m here. She might say, Thanks, I’m really good now. It’s not that big of a deal after all, or I don’t know. If you have any ideas, I’d love to hear them. Whereas if you start right out of the gate with that she’s not going to be able to hear it, because she’s gasping for air, and she needs oxygen. With a man, even though men like to solve things, and I know I’m being somewhat stereotypical, the masculine likes to, the man still wants to feel seen and valued, appreciated and respected. So you really listening to him and validating him and understanding him, and then noticing within the story the things he’s doing good and right and absolutely validating those. That’s going to make him feel back in his power again. That’s going to make him feel good about himself again. It’s going to make him feel good about his relationship, and then there might be an opening. You want to wait for the opening. You might say, Is there anything else I can do to help you? I’m here. I just want you to know that. You might get, Thanks, but I’m good. I got it. He might say, I don’t know. If you have any ideas, sure. Then you can share. Unless that opening comes, you don’t want to be advice giving and counseling and coaching your spouse. A word to the wise. I learned the hard way, because I did so much coaching it was just natural, and also being a man it’s natural for my masculinity to want to solve problems.
You can see how this same idea of bringing yourself or bringing a loved one or a client into a solution state of mind. If you’re a minister or whatever, a manager of a team, the same thing applies. You want to bring people back into a congruent receptive solution state of mind. That’s where the answers are. that’s where evolution happens. That’s where real healing and growth happens. That’s where we have the greatest most resourceful presence of being, and when you bring the attention back there, whatever is truly meant to unfold next now has an opening to do that.
I hope this has served you and supported you, and I hope this has brought you into an even greater solution state of mind. If you would like to get more, please register for this podcast in iTunes, the Emergence podcast. Leave a review. It helps more people to hear about it, more people to be served, and if you want a deeper dive and more resources, you can grab my bestselling book Emergence. You can just go to www.MyEmergenceBook.com, and when you grab a copy there I’m going to give you a whole bunch more support and coaching, different things to really support that, over $1,000 in bonuses. You can also go to LawofEmergence.com and get a free mini training course on the Law of Emergence. As always, you can go to DerekRydall.com to grab other resources. DerekRydall.com to grab various resources, sign up for the newsletter. LawofEmergence.com to get a free mini training e-course on the Law of Emergence and how to apply it your life. MyEmergenceBook.com to get a copy of the bestselling book Emergence and a bunch in bonuses. Of course, sign up for the Emergence podcast on iTunes so that you never miss an episode and can download up to 100 free trainings. Until next time, remember to live authentically, love unconditionally, and follow your destiny.