The Crisis of Incongruence – The Hidden Cause of Unhappiness
In the principle of Emergence, we learn that life doesn’t happen to us, it happens through us. All of life is trying to express as us, but it can only do so according to our level of receptivity and alignment with it. Because of this we don’t experience life directly, we experience it through our perceptions or filters.
The bad news is that, even though life is totally on your side, you can only experience it to the extend that you’re on your own side. The good news is that there’s a divine destiny, an emerging impulse, always seeking to bring you into harmony with your true purpose — so that life can fulfill itself through you.
The challenge is that the same mechanism that allows us to manifest a more expansive life as we embody more expansive perceptions, also causes a more limited life when our beliefs are limited.
The reason is that this inner mechanism is always trying to make us congruent to the blueprint or the self-concept that we’ve accepted about ourselves or the world. It doesn’t know good or bad, right or wrong, it just knows what you believe deep down — and then it works 24/7 to bring your life into integrity with that belief system.
Like the principle of homeostasis, it’s always trying to bring us back to a state of balance or congruent. For example, if you have a self-concept that says, “I’m not good with money” or, “Money is hard”, when it comes to money, even if you do all the right things to make money, it will beat a path out your door as fast as possible. Why? Because this mechanism is trying to bring you back into congruence with that self-concept or blueprint.
This is the meaning of the saying, “To he or she who is right in mind, they can do all the wrong things and it will turn out right; but, to he or she who is wrong in mind, they can do all the right things, and it will turn out wrong.” Whatever your inner blueprint is, if you’re trying to do a bunch of actions that aren’t in integrity with it and you’re not changing the blueprint, your life is going to come back into alignment with it.
Even when you have what the world would call success, if you’re not happy and fulfilled it’s because, on some level, your outer life does t match your inner blueprint of true happiness. This can cause successful people to self sabotage, or become addicted to quell the pain and confusion of being so unhappy when everything says they should be overjoyed with their life.
The work we must do is to get clear about what our inner blueprint for success and happiness is, then either change it if it’s not constructive and supportive, or begin the process of bribing our whole life into congruence with it. This includes the people, places, activities, and objects we fill our life with — and the things we take out of our life.We must design a way of life, inside and out that matches our highest vision. Click To Tweet
You’ll never be truly satisfied or fulfilled if your blueprint doesn’t match, or isn’t increasingly coming into alignment with the grand blueprint.
“True joy and happiness comes from living on that emerging edge of ever-expanding, ever-evolving increase, and progress.”
The first step is to look at your own inner self-concept, your own inner blueprint and see if it is in alignment with your highest and greatest desires or if you have acquiesced to limiting conditioning.
Are you merely trying to change the outer world while remaining the same? Are you just trying to lose weight or make money or win friends and influence others, when internally you believe you’re not worthy, capable, or unable?
That’s like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. The ship is going down no matter what you do externally. You need to plug the holes internally. You need to redesign your inner self-concept and blueprint.
When you do that, you don’t have to make it happen, you are making it welcome. Then the law of mind operates upon that newly-enhanced blueprint and brings your life into integrity or congruence with it.
To support you in mastering this, listen to the in-depth podcast on the subject, where we break it down and put it into real-life practice TODAY. This will be a real game-changer.
To Your Emergence!
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of the Emergence, A Revolutionary Path for Radical Life Change, with Derek Rydall Podcast]
Derek Rydall here, and welcome to Emergence, this powerful journey of discovering our true hidden potential and our Divine purpose, and creating a life that allows it to unfold naturally and even effortlessly. It’s great to be with you again, and we’re talking today about the crisis of incongruence, or the hidden cause of unhappiness. This is such a powerful concept, because you know that by now, ideally, that life doesn’t happen to you, it happens through you. All of life is pouring through and as you, or at least trying according to a Divine pattern. You don’t experience life directly. You experience your perception of life, or experience life through your filters. Think of it like a pasta maker. You put all this pasta in one end and what comes out the other end is based on the filter that’s there. This is how life is happening. It’s not happening to us. Never is there a life outside happening to us, although that is the illusion. It’s happening through us and as us. If we want something more different to come into our life, we have to let something more or different come out of us. This is the foundational principle behind Emergence.
The second foundational principle is that once we are clear what it is we really truly want to emerge in our life, or even more accurately what is trying to emerge in our life, because there is a Divine pattern and Divine idea, a real purpose and destiny. We now have to organize our life to be congruent with that, to be in alignment, to be in integrity with that, not just one and done, not just here and there. We have to literally design a way of life inside and out that is congruent with our Divine pattern or plan or purpose. A subset of that, or an aspect of that, to understand is that therefore there’s a mechanism in the mind that is always seeking to make us congruent. Here me now. It’s always seeking to make you congruent. It’s always seeking to make you congruent to the blueprint or the self-concept that you have accepted, that is a part of your consciousness, that is the fundamental blueprint or concept or self-concept that is active in your consciousness. This mechanism is always working. It’s always striving to make us congruent. Like the principle of homeostasis, it’s always trying to bring us back to a state of balance. This mechanism within you is always trying to make you congruent.
For example, if you see yourself as a wealthy person, that your blueprint includes I’m wealthy and wealth easily flows through me, to me, and around me, etc. If that’s your blueprint, whether because of upbringing, conditioning, societal ideas, concepts or just your own inner work, then you will sort and you will delete or distort. You will have a cognitive dissonance around anything that could make you poor or broke or not congruent with that. If a challenge arises, like a downturn in the economy, or your money gets embezzled, or something happened, this mechanism will automatically start to drive you and draw things to you – drive and draw experiences to bring you back into integrity, alignment or congruence with that blueprint of I am wealthy. Likewise, if you have a blueprint or self-concept that, I’m not good with money, that I come from a long line of people that aren’t good with money, my parents weren’t good with money, I’m not good with money, money is hard, there’s a shortage of it, there’s not enough of it to go around, so your blueprint and your self-concept is that I never have enough; I don’t know enough. When it comes to money, I’m not good enough. Then even if you do all the right things to make money, that money will be on the path out your doorway as fast as possible. Even if you’re given money, even if you win the lottery as we’ve seen many times. We will follow up with you in a year or two or three, and you’ll not only have lost all the money or spent it all, but probably be in even greater debt. Why? Because that’s same mechanism is working 24/7 to bring you back into congruence with that self-concept or blueprint.
TranscriptionIt’s the same thing if you come from a family of overeaters and people that are overweight, and you find yourself constantly dieting and dieting and trying all these things to lose weight, maybe lose it temporarily, or you never can get it off, or if you do get it off, you just find it comes back on. You probably heard the statement, Once a fat person always a fat person. Well, that’s not meant to be derogatory. You get the point, because the blueprint, the self-concept, that hasn’t been changed in a fundamental level. This mechanism is always going to be working to bring you back into congruence with that. That’s one of the reasons why we are on this yo-yo diets, or money goes up and down, or weight goes up and down, or opportunities go up and down. It’s because there’s this inner conflict where we consciously want more or better or different, but the self-concept or the blueprint is the same. That’s because we are primarily working on the surface level where you’re working on strategies and tactics and to-dos. We’re trying to change the world, while we internally, fundamentally remain the same. That’s also by the way why you may lose weight but feel uncomfortable as a thin person, if you still have this underlying blueprint of an overweight person. When you finally come back to being overweight, or you might get a lot of money, you actually feel nervous or uncomfortable with it and find as you’re spending it and it’s burning a hole in your pocket and that actually when you come back to not having money, there’s this strange sense of relief. I wouldn’t quite call it happiness, but, ironically, you tend to be unhappy or nervous or anxious or uncomfortable until your inner pattern matches that. This is why that saying says, He or she who is right in mind, they can do all the wrong things and it will turn out right; but, he or she who is wrong in mind, they can do all the right things, it will turn out wrong. Why? What that means is whatever your self-concept or blueprint is, if you’re trying to do a bunch of actions that aren’t in integrity with that and you’re not changing the blueprint, your life is going to come back into integrity with that. It’s like pulling a rubber band and it snaps back, right? Also, if you’re doing all these things and maybe even in the case where you have all kinds of what the world would say good things – you have money, you have family, you have opportunity – but you’re still unhappy, there’s something in your blueprint, there’s something in your self-concept that you’re not pursuing or that you’re not fulfilling.
This is why that saying says, He or she who is right in mind, they can do all the wrong things and it will turn out right; but, he or she who is wrong in mind, they can do all the right things, it will turn out wrong. Why? What that means is whatever your self-concept or blueprint is, if you’re trying to do a bunch of actions that aren’t in integrity with that and you’re not changing the blueprint, your life is going to come back into integrity with that. It’s like pulling a rubber band and it snaps back, right? Also, if you’re doing all these things and maybe even in the case where you have all kinds of what the world would say good things – you have money, you have family, you have opportunity – but you’re still unhappy, there’s something in your blueprint, there’s something in your self-concept that you’re not pursuing or that you’re not fulfilling.
I remember hearing one story about a person who had all this money and all fame and fortune and was depressed. No amount of anti-depressants or anything was pulling her out of it. Through discussion, she discovered that what she always really wanted was children, was to have a man that loved her and to have a real family and to have children. She was well-beyond that particular prime. Nothing, no amount of worldly fame, fortune, success or acquisition could make her happy, because this unconscious blueprint and self-concept was that she would someday be a person with a family of her own. No amount of friends and all of that could even help. Upon deeper introspection, when the idea came that well, she could just adopt and have children, that didn’t work either. She did dig deeper and deeper. She should find out what’s the quality, what would she get, what’s the feeling she would get if she had children of her own, why did it have to be children of her own? She ultimately discovered that it was because she would feel loved. Because if it was just adopted children, they wouldn’t owe her any real debt of love, and so it had to be her own children or there wouldn’t be real lasting unconditional love there. When she understood that what she really needed was more love, then she could begin to organize her life to focus on that, to get the love.
There are certain things that we may have self-concepts of that we will never get in the world, but it’s not the thing that we want. It’s the way it makes us feel. It’s not the money. It’s the way it makes us feel. It’s not the fame. It’s the way it makes us feel. It’s not the child of our own or a gene, but it’s the way it makes us feel. In any case, she had to dig through the layers. What is it she really wanted? Ultimately, discovered it was this. She was able to arrange her life and see how much love was in her life and how many people loved her, and then she could even potentially adopt and she could bring the love and receive the love and be fulfilled. That’s an important little distinction, if whatever the thing is can never be achieved. If you always wanted to be an NBA basketball player, and you’re well passed the prime where you could actually be a player, maybe you could be a coach. Maybe you could do something in that field or complementary or supplementary or side by side, or maybe it’s something else about it, a quality that you could begin to design into your life through other means that would give you the same level of congruence.
The key is that we have to find congruence. If you have a blueprint or a self-concept that’s limiting or destructive like I’m just a person who can’t make a lot of money. I wasn’t wired for that. I’m just big bones. I’m never going to be thin, or whatever the case may be, you have to do one of two things. You have to either, again, find the quality that you really want, independent of the change. I highly recommend that. As a rule of thumb, just always go for the quality, because the quality of feeling is what we’re always really after. If there’s still the possibility of obtaining the form, then you want to align your life and organize your life around that, and then you need to change your blueprint. You need to change your self-concept. You need to do the inner work to discover some principle. Let’s say around abundance, that there’s no such thing as a person that’s not capable of being abundant. Even though it may be a condition that that was your experience, you can recondition yourself. You can understand the principles. You can apprentice under the laws of wealth and abundance and begin to develop a consciousness of wealth and abundance, and therefore a consciousness or a self-concept that you are a wealthy and abundant person. You can begin to let go of those limited self-concepts and redesign your blueprint around abundance. As that gets established, that same mechanism that is always moving you towards congruence, it’s always operating anyways. It’s now operating on that blueprint.
This is another very important distinction. This is why ultimately the way we’re meant to grow is not to forcing or pushing or making things happened but making what’s already true welcome that when we become internally congruent, meaning we develop a blueprint or self-concept and condition ourselves to feel and believe and be in alignment with what we really want, then the law of life does the heavy lifting, right? The law of gravity is always pulling. If I pick up a pen, and I drop it, it’s going to get pulled down by the law of gravity. I don’t have to do the work and force the pen down. Likewise, I don’t have to do the work of forcing my life to be wealthy and abundant, but I do have to do the work of developing an inner blueprint that I am a wealthy abundant person, which is in alignment with the greater truth. Ultimately, we’re not just seeking to make ourselves congruent with our own personal blueprint. We’re seeking to make ourselves congruent with the truth of all being, with the great truth –the great truths that we are one with God, one with life, that we are unique emanations of infinite love, power, joy, abundance, power, joy, abundance, health, wealth, harmony, order, brilliance, genius, etc. That’s always pulling on us and pushing on us, but, again, as I said in the beginning, it’s moving through our own filter, our own blueprint, and our own self-concept. So, we want to align ourselves ultimately with the grand blueprint. There’s a unique way the grand blueprint of truth is trying to express as us. When we talk about our highest destiny or purpose, we’re talking about our unique expression of the grand blueprint. Our work is to come into ever increasing and inner alignment to condition ourselves, so that we feel and believe and see ourselves with a blueprint that matches our highest good and our highest desire. The law of life operates automatically on that to bring our experience into congruence with it. Just as I said before, if our inner blueprint is that I’m fat and I’m big-boned, and I don’t have the abilities to really make much of myself, then that same principle
So, we want to align ourselves ultimately with the grand blueprint. There’s a unique way the grand blueprint of truth is trying to express as us. When we talk about our highest destiny or purpose, we’re talking about our unique expression of the grand blueprint. Our work is to come into ever increasing and inner alignment to condition ourselves, so that we feel and believe and see ourselves with a blueprint that matches our highest good and our highest desire. The law of life operates automatically on that to bring our experience into congruence with it. Just as I said before, if our inner blueprint is that I’m fat and I’m big-boned, and I don’t have the abilities to really make much of myself, then that same principle is operating to bring us into integrity with that. It doesn’t make us feel good ultimately. It makes us feel sad or depressed or frustrated or angry because that blueprint is ultimately not in alignment with the grand blueprint.
I know I’m giving you a lot here, and I really invite you to really listen to this more than once, but, again, I want you to get the levels here. Whenever we’re out of alignment with our self-concept or blueprint, our life will never feel right, and it will always be working to bring us back in alignment with that blueprint, even if the blueprint is limited. We have to recondition ourselves to have a very big self-concept and to be a blueprint or self-concept that is what we truly want, so that that love, life, is operating upon that. However, we’ll never be truly satisfied or fulfilled if our blueprint doesn’t match, or isn’t increasingly coming into alignment with, the grand blueprint. If you settle for something less than your best or settle for something less than your unique greatness and excellence, even if it’s what the world would call a pretty good life, you’re never going to be truly satisfied or fulfilled, because there’s a much bigger blueprint trying to emerge through you. Ultimately, you realize that safety and well-being and true happiness is never found in any static situation. I wanted to say the static quo, not just the status quo. Why? Because it’s always found in progress. Why? Because the Universe is progressive. Why? Because it’s infinite. There’s an infinite blueprint forever trying to emerge through and as you, so there’s no stopping point as Jesus said, Foxes have holes and birds have nests, but there is no place for man to rest his weary head. I shall not rest until I rest in thee, meaning our only resting place is in the divine, in the infinite eternal nature of our being.
That true joy and happiness is on that emerging edge of ever-expanding, ever-evolving increase and progress. The first step is to look at our own inner self-concept, our own inner blueprint and see is it in alignment with our highest desires, our greatest desires or have we acquiesced to limiting conditioning? Are we merely trying to change the outer world while remaining the same? Are we just trying to lose weight or make money or win friends and influence others when internally we believe we’re not worthy, we’re not capable and we’re not able? Understand that’s like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. The ship is going down no matter what you do externally. You need to plug the holes internally. You need to redesign your inner self-concept and blueprint. Finally, when you do that, you don’t have to make it happen. You are making it welcome in the law of life. The law of mind operates upon that newly-enhanced blueprint and brings your life into integrity, into congruence with it.
Just one final reminder, when the thing you think you want in your life seems to be something that’s out of your reach, beyond the stage of your life that you’re in, I don’t want to say as a disclaimer or a caveat, be careful to jump to that right away, because when you think it might be too late for or you might be too old, too tall, too short, too this, too that for, you might be wrong. So, before you decide it’s too late or you’re not enough and it’s just never going to happen, really investigate it, because there are many, many, many stories of people that have done the thing they truly wanted far beyond the time and what the world says is the capacity to achieve it. Like the 98-year-old man that runs up the flight of the Empire State Building, runs the stairs along with 20 something’s and 30 something’s. He’s 98 years old and that’s just his warm-up to run a marathon – or a 70-some-year-old woman who gets started running like in her 50s and ends up running multiple marathons and Ironman’s, or the woman that becomes a doctor in her 70s – or Grandma Moses becomes a world famous painter in her 80s. So, be very careful to accept any form of limitation. The basketball player who’s short, I forget the exact height, maybe five-foot something and becomes like an NBA player – or the story of the football player, Notre Dame, where he has this little runt. They made a movie about it – Rudy, and he’s just like it’s impossible, and he keeps getting rejected and failing and rejected and failing and he never gives up. Ultimately, he proves that if you don’t have a talent but you have the heart, you can do it – or Seabiscuit, the horse that defied all odds.
So, be very careful to jump any limitation. If in fact you ultimately get to the place where it really seems by all investigation, all research, that you’re 60 and you wanted to have children naturally – although, I think there are some stories for that has happened – perhaps that’s just not going to be the way you go. You’re 50 or 60 and you’ve always want to play in the NBA, and that’s probably not going to happen, then you break it down like I said before, and you discover what are some of the other ways you can have that feeling, that experience. What is the feeling you’re after if you were to be doing that? Then, you start to design a life that gives you those feelings and gets you as close to the heat as possible, and you can make yourself congruent, and you can experience a life of fulfillment and happiness and fulfill your true destiny and purpose, because there is no shelf life on your destiny. There is no Use by this datestamp on the back of your neck. Again, it may not be that you do the thing you think you should but from a soul level, the soul is not so much concerned about the quantity or the form. The soul’s fulfillment has to do with the blossoming of its qualities. So, like I said, if you can’t be an NBA player, that’s not so much what the soul cares about. Your true purpose and fulfillment is about the full blossoming of your character and the qualities of your being. You break it down and find what those are, you redesign your life around that, you condition your blueprints so that it’s congruent and then your life continues to flourish and bring itself into alignment with that. Even when you stumble and fall and things seem to go wrong, once your blueprint is established, that mechanism of your mind will keep moving you back on track, back on track, back on track.
I hope this has served you. Again, it’s a little bit of a complex concept so please listen to this more thanonce if you need to, and then do the work. Design your blueprint, your self-concept and recondition yourself so it is congruent with the larger blueprint of life and with the life you really want to live and then organize your life around that. I hope this has served you. If you want to get more training, please make sure to sign up, register for this podcast, Emergence on iTunes. Go to derekrydall.com/blogs and get the latest blog post. Register for that so you never miss a powerful training or any powerful material, because there’s new and unique stuff that’s only delivered in these channels. You can also go to the resource section at derekrydall.com and get some powerful downloads and additional training and support material. If this is adding value to you, if you like what you’re hearing, please share it with a friend, a loved one. Even try to teach it to somebody. The more you teach it or the more you share it, the more you activate and accelerate the learning in your own life. Until next time, remember to live authentically, love unconditionally and follow your destiny.