Podcast: Play in new window
When we understand that life is emergent, that life is not happening to us, but it’s happening through us and as us, that whatever’s missing is what we’re not giving, that if we want more to come into our life we have to let more life come out of us, or as the poet Browning said, “We must find a way to release this imprisoned splendor.”
We’re talking about today the seven reasons why things aren’t working, or just why aren’t things working? This is such a common experience, of course, and we bang our head against the wall, and we get depressed and disillusioned, and it’s important to understand so we can begin to diagnose why aren’t things working? What’s going on when things aren’t working?
Listen in now for the full explanation and support your personal development and spiritual growth and start participating in your future good NOW.
And remember, self-help is shelf help – you have everything you need already!
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Transcription
Derek Rydall here, founder of the Law of Emergence, and author of the bestselling book, Emergence, and it’s just such an honor and a pleasure to be with you again as we take this deep dive into understanding the principles for successful living that sometimes can be quite radical and exactly the opposite of what we’ve conditioned to believe. When we understand that life is emergent, that life is not happening to us, but it’s happening through us and as us, that whatever’s missing is what we’re not giving, that if we want more to come into our life we have to let more life come out of us, or as the poet Browning said, “We must find a way to release this imprisoned splendor.”
We’re talking about today the seven reasons why things aren’t working, or just why aren’t things working? This is such a common experience, of course, and we bang our head against the wall, and we get depressed and disillusioned, and it’s important to understand so we can begin to diagnose why aren’t things working? What’s going on when things aren’t working?
I want to start off by saying it’s almost never a sign from the Universe that you’re not supposed to be pursuing this. Now, certainly sometimes you aren’t supposed to be pursuing what you’re pursuing, but that old trope of New Age belief that when things are difficult and hard it’s a sign that you’re not supposed to do it from the Universe, if that was true, pretty much all major innovations in history would never have happened, because it was really hard for Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi and Edison and Disney and Steve Jobs and Jesus and Buddha, pick your master, creator, inventor, leader. Every door was closed to them. Every window was closed, and storm shutters nailed to them. So that wasn’t a sign they weren’t supposed to do it, it was an opportunity for them to dig deeper to become stronger, and it was really a sign that they were in many cases on the right track of progress, because it was bringing up all the resistance in their direction.
I just want to start off right out of the gate and say that your struggle and your challenge, don’t fall for the belief that it’s just a sign from the Universe you’re not supposed to do it. The only real sign you’re not supposed to pursue something is you no longer want to. I want to say a caveat to that is sometimes you don’t think you want to, because it’s hard, and you have to trick your ego and say, “If it could be easy, if I could still do it, be successful, be well received, have a great time, would I want to do this and be this and create and contribute this?” That kind of temporarily clears away the dust and debris of the journey, and allows you to feel that glow of your heart’s desire again. As long as that glow is still there it’s still true for you, and the difficulty is about growing and getting stronger and building soul stamina and developing certain muscles and skills so that you can carry the energy of that vision or mission.
Let’s go through the seven reasons why things are often not working. The first one, and these aren’t necessarily in any given order, but the first one it’s often a sign that you’re trying to achieve something with old tools, and an old model, and an old map. In other words, in our developmental stages of life you end up having experiences, and you end up deciding this is the way life is. Life is hard. Resources are limited. I’m not that worthy, and people aren’t to be trusted, as an example. Right? That’s based on some experiences you have, so you quickly draw a map of reality, and it literally gets laid down neurologically, and then you create a model for living based on that map. Then you end up creating a toolkit to operate and survive in that territory.
The problem, of course, is that the map is incorrect, but for a time it can actually be useful, because, if you’ve studied my shadow work, you end up developing a lot of skills and abilities and things as a reaction based on coping and defense mechanism and self-preservation, a lot of skills and things that are actually beneficial. This is what’s called the gift of the shadow, but at a certain point, especially if you really get on a path of self-development and self-actualization and spiritual awareness and consciousness expansion and real vision, you are calling forth and activating a larger consciousness, a larger perception of reality, and what starts to happen is that old model, that old thing, no longer works. It’s like you’re trying to use the tools that they used to work on the Model T Ford to work on your Ferrari, or even your Prius. The tools don’t work anymore. You don’t realize that, because these tools and this map and this model are so close to you, but that’s one of the reasons is that you’re trying to get from LA to New York using a map of the old world where it’s still got little drawings of dragons and stuff, there be dragons. They would write those on the maps whenever they didn’t know what was there. They would just draw a picture of a monster or something, because that was how the mind perceived the unknown.
That’s one sign, and you begin to question. What if my map of reality is wrong, and my model of operating therefore is wrong, and the tools I’m using to work with that model are therefore outdated or no longer work on this new model that’s trying to emerge in my life? That starts to open up a whole other line of questions, of inquiry, and of discovery. As well as transformation and real evolution.
The next of the seven reasons, and this is connected to this first one, is often your chronic challenges or problems are a sign that you’re trying to manage a life that is too small. You’re trying to manage or cope in a world too small where you’ve activated a different or bigger life, a larger life. For example, like the acorn analogy you’ve activated your inner oak tree, but you’re still trying to stay a safe acorn and hold onto your protective shell. That inner oak is trying to crack through, and it’s creating the crisis. It’s creating the experience of things falling apart or not working, and you’re trying to call in a shell repairman to fix your shell and all these kinds of things. Like the caterpillar trying to hold your caterpillar life together. You’re trying to manage. You’re trying to cope and hold onto a self-concept and a life concept that is breaking apart, because you’ve activated a bigger life.
It’s similar, but it’s different by degree. In the first example you’re trying to use tools and a model and a map of the world that you’ve outgrown, and eventually when it becomes a chronic problem you are now trying to manage and cope in a world that is too small for the world life that you’ve activated, for the energy that you’ve activated. This becomes increasingly challenging and painful the more you are on a conscious spiritual path, and the more you have desires and intentions and prayers, because you are activating all this energy that’s now trying to emerge, but you are still holding onto the old self-concept, the old world concept, and trying to actually manage your life within that paradigm. It won’t work. It’s extremely painful, and ultimately impossible. You can’t be an acorn and an oak tree at the same time. Once you’ve activated the inner oak, you cannot remain an acorn without suffering. Does that make sense?
Then the third reason why things aren’t working is a values conflict. You may have heard me talk about this before, but basically you’ve been wired a certain way because of experiences. Perhaps growing up you were trying to do a certain endeavor or project, and maybe make money or be successful or be creative, and it was causing problems in your family, and you got the message somewhere along the line that you were hurting your family, or you were hurting your sibling, because you were outshining them. You got the message that you either have to be a good child, a good son, a good daughter, and be part of the tribe and have family and connection and love, or you have to leave it, abandon it, for success and for name, fame, and fortune. It may not have been that overt, but you got a message that it was one or the other. It was mutually exclusive.
Internally you still valued both things. You still wanted to shine your creative genius or be successful, and you still wanted to have love and family and connection. Those values still existed in you, but now they were sibling rivalry. They were mutually exclusive they way they were wired. So every time you would start to go for one, it would create problems in the other. It would create anxiety, or you would self-sabotage, so that you could ultimately go back to the other value. Then you would eventually yearn for the other value, the opposite value, and somehow self-sabotage this one so you can go for the other one. Right?
I used to do that as well. I’d start to get successful, then I’d pull back, back away, self-sabotage, and then I would go do my spiritual practice, be with my family, feel a sense of relief. Then eventually I’d start to feel anxious and like I’m not doing anything, I’m not living my potential. I would start going for success again, and eventually start to feel anxious, guilty, disconnected from my spirit, from my family or friends, and then I would sabotage and go back to that again. Until I eventually saw that based on my upbringing I had these values conflicts, and in my mind to go for one would mean I’d have to sacrifice the other. I just created a reconnection of my values, a values affirmation, where I essentially said, the more successful I become, the more deeply connected I am to my heart, to my art, to my loved ones, and the more I honor my need to be connected to my spirit and to my art and to my loved ones, the more powerfully I am inspired to go for success and make a big impact in the world. That felt good. Yes. I can have both.
Those values aren’t intrinsically exclusive. They were only wired that way. The minute those wires touched again there was an energetic spark. Energy started to flow again, and as that became a mantra and became embodied then the more I would go for my success the more I would be inspired to take my spiritual path deeper and connect with loved ones, and the more I connected with my art and my heart and my loved ones, the more inspired I was to go for my work, and it served. They became complimentary and served each other. So values conflict, that’s often a reason why things aren’t working. It’s like you’ve got one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake.
Then we get to the shadow block. Again, if you’ve studied my work you understand some of the shadow work, and this is there’s a shadow around whatever the next step of growth is. You’re bumping into the shadow, and this shadow is connected to values conflicts, can be connected, and can be similar, and can emerge out of similar developmental stages of your life. This basically means that, for example, maybe you actually need to take a different direction or slow down or take a break or take more time at some aspect of the work you’re developing or the relationship, but when you imagine doing it you’re afraid of the outcome. What if it doesn’t work? What if I fail? What if I look stupid? What if I look bad? Then if you ask yourself, if that happens, what would I make that mean about me, or what am I afraid others would make it mean about me? You hear certain judgments, like I’m lazy, I’m a loser, I’m a failure, I’m unworthy, I’m not good enough, I’m selfish. For example, you really want to go for this thing, and you find you just don’t feel the momentum or the energy, or you keep sabotaging it, and when you ask, what am I afraid is going to happen? I’m going to succeed. What am I afraid people are going to think about me? I’m self-centered. I’m selfish. I’m insensitive to their needs, whatever. That’s a shadow.
So when you do the shadow work, and you embrace the selfish self, or the lazy self, or the failure self, you integrate the imprisoned energy within that shadow. I don’t have the time to go into the full understanding of shadows within this particular talk, but you unlock it, and now that energy becomes available to you, and the wisdom, and the insight, and the gift of that, and it’s no longer blocking you, because you have now made friends with the selfish self. You don’t care if somebody thinks you’re selfish, because you’ve embodied selfishness in its optimal state, which means to honor the self, to take care of the self. Now, if you want to do the shadow process once you understand what your shadow is, you can go to DerekRydall.com/shadowprocess. Download a free shadow process audio training. If you really want to master the shadow work, you can get the program Shadow Dancing. It’s a total in depth mastery of the shadows in all the major structures of your life, and that will radically transform you and unleash the energy within you. You can go to DerekRydall.com for more information on that, or email support@DerekRydall.com.
The next, Number Five, why things aren’t working, wrong goal. Let me just break this down a little bit. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t still, let’s say you want to write a book, build a business, grow your clientele, or find the love of your life. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have that as a success endeavor as a part of your plan and your vision and something you are going for, but ultimately there’s only one legitimate goal, and that is to live in a deep connection with yourself, with your Source, with God, with truth, whatever name you want to give it, and to be in a state of peace, love, joy, in this moment. That’s the only legitimate goal. That’s what all the great masters have taught. You can actually test and verify this if you ask, if I got that outer goal, what would that give me? Why do I want it? If you ask what I call the five whys, why do I want it, why do I want it, why do I want that? Then you get this, and why do I want that? Then you get this. You eventually get down to I’d get the money, so I can buy the house, and I’d get the house so that I can enjoy my life. Then I can enjoy my life, so I can finally be in joy or peace. You’ll always eventually get to a quality, a state of being, a state of deeper connection with life. Always. That’s all we’re really ever going for.
Any attempt to have an attachment to an external goal immediately turns on the stress response, makes it increasingly difficult to achieve it, creates all kinds of resistance and toxic chemicals and toxic thoughts, and may make it difficult to impossible to ever achieve it, or if you do the cost will be so high, and you will not experience joy or freedom, if only temporarily, and then eventually you’ll be right back to thinking you need to get the next bigger, better thing, and you’ll be miserable. You want to look at, what do I really want? What I really want is a sense of peace and joy. So then you shift your goal to be developing and embodying whatever the vibrational feeling tone of achieving that goal would be.
That becomes your core goal, your top priority, so that as you’re going through your day and doing the work you’re doing, you’re stopping on a regular basis and checking in and going, what am I really after here? Remembering, getting reconnected to your real goal, to be in love, to be in peace, to be in joy, in this moment. For the next 30-60 minutes that’s my goal. Then you go back to work, and you still do whatever you’re going to do. Some people are like, if I just only want peace or joy, and I’m just resting in the moment and peace and joy, I’m not going to be inspired. I’m not going to have momentum. Everything’s going to fall apart. That’s what the ego tells you, but exactly the opposite will happen.
The more you are connected to and achieving a state of peace, love, joy, gratitude in the moment, legitimately, the more dynamically creative and active you will be, because your spirit is not neutral. Love is not neutral. It’s dynamic. According to your unique design and pattern it will unfold. You know the old thing where your parents might have told you, “You keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.” The Universe is saying, you keep being in joy, I’m going to give you something to be joyful about. You keep being grateful, I’m going to give you something to be grateful about. That state of joy and gratitude will manifest more experiences that give you reason to be joyful and grateful. If you’re struggling and things just aren’t working, you want to check in and see, what’s the real goal here, and realign yourself with that.
Then we get to the sixth reason why things aren’t working, and that’s competence. Sometimes you hear your voice say, I’m not good enough at this. I’m just not good enough, and you know what? That voice might be right. A lot of times we brush over that and try to just do an affirmation, but it might actually be accurate and giving you guidance and saying, “You need to go back to the drawing board. You need to dive a little deeper and get a little bit more learning and understanding and mastery of this particular thing.” There’s gold there that you have yet to mine, beyond what you may even know. You may go back to research and study, and all of a sudden it opens up a whole new world, a whole new possibility, a whole new potential. Don’t dismiss the possibility that you need to develop more competence. Sometimes it also might mean you need to work harder, not just smarter. You might go back and discover the people that really succeeded in this, the very best of the best, they were the ones still at the gym when everybody else went home. They were the ones willing to completely redevelop their particular skill even when people were saying they were good enough. Like Tiger Woods willing to break down his golf swing and rebuild it at the height of his career. Like Michael Jordan going and shooting 300 free throws every time, even at the height of his career.
If you’re the person who suffers under perfectionism, this is probably not your issue. Your issue is probably the opposite, you just need to ship it, as Seth Godin would say. You just need to get in the game and not just stay on the sidelines practicing. It depends. Depending on where you are, there’s some deeper learning either that the best practice is you need to just do it, just get it written, get it out there, or that you need to learn Step A or Step B or Step C. This is the most practical of the seven reasons why things aren’t working, but, believe it or not, often overlooked.
Step Seven, finally, you might just need to rest and stop taking action. The analogy is you plant the seed. You water it. You weed it. You feed it. It doesn’t grow right away. You dig it up again, plant it again. Water, weed it, feed it. It doesn’t grow right away. You dig it up, plant it again. Is that seed going to grow? No. It’s not only not going to grow, it’s probably going to die. There is a period of work and labor and sowing, and then there’s a period of resting, and then there’s a period of reaping. If you go to the gym, and you work out every day the same muscle over and over again, it’s not going to grow stronger. In fact, it’s going to tear down and eventually fail. You have to rest. Actually, all of the greatest progress happens during the rest. That’s when the repair and the rebuilding and the signal in the body goes and makes the muscle stronger and bigger through the process of repair.
The same thing is true with your ideas, your creative projects. Sometimes you have to just put it in a drawer for a day or a week or a month. It’s not saying you’re giving up. It’s understanding the gestation, germination, creation process. There are cycles. You don’t just breathe out. You have to also breathe in. Again, for some individuals that are go, go, go, go, like a shark afraid if they stop swimming they’re going to die, you want to look at a values conflict or a shadow, because there’s something you’re afraid is going to happen if you rest. For some of you you need to develop new structures in your life so that there’s space for playing, that you actually build into your calendar your mediation practice, time to be with friends and family, time to play, time to exercise, time to just goof off, free time where you got nothing scheduled. So that you’re designing a life that’s conducive to the natural rhythms of conception, creation, gestation, maturation, and ultimately manifestation. Sometimes you just need to stop and rest. Be still, and let the work you’ve done begin to work on you.
These are the seven core reasons why things aren’t working. Usually you can find and diagnose the problem within these seven. I hope this has served you, and my prayer, my intention for you, is that no matter what you stay the course. You stay engaged, and you stay inspired. Until next time, remember to live authentically, love unconditionally, and follow your destiny.
